The weather actually hasn't been too bad.
Dad and big bro have been traveling just fine so far.
My car has had a few hiccups here and there, but it's all been manageable.
My aunt Sandy is extremely better in comparison to this time last year.
Grandpa had to be put in a nursing home, but he seems to have adjusted well. Grandma on my mom's side is hanging in there as well despite being in a car wreck.
My dad's mom died four days after I wrote that January post, and my thundercunt aunt ruined everything when planning her funeral.
Finished my honors and I'm 1 semester away from finishing college as a whole (with my minor intact!)
I'm still worried about life after college, but I'm fairly certain I'll be writing no matter what I do.
After a grueling fall semester, I think I might finally get to rest during this break.
My legs are, coincidentally, achey. I think it just happens when I'm tired.
I've adjusted well to the glasses life, with the exception of them fogging up at times.
I wouldn't mind dating someone; however, I'm cool where I'm at right now too.
That semester after the January post was, in fact, frustrating but not hard. This fall semester was pretty chill in comparison.
My friends are still pretty amazing.
Friendship with Whitney is still around for the most part. We're not super best friends like we once were, and I'm certain we never will be. Honestly, I'm okay with that. (She also got dumped by vegan-frat-douche-prickass-prick; thus proving all of my opinions of him to be true. She also seems fairly happy with being single anyway. If anyone has convinced me of the power of the bonds of a sorority, it's her and her Chi O's.)
The play I was in went AMAZINGLY WELL. A lot of people really enjoyed it and I had an absolute blast!
Even more people share my same apprehensions than I realized even then. It's good to know I'm never alone out here in the world.
Faith continues to be tested. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time and be very Dude. The goal is to abide as much as possible.
I'm really glad 2014 is over. It had its good moments but it started off a piece of shit and hovered between mediocre and barely passable for a lot of the year.
I have a feeling 2015 will be fantastic.
I guess only time will tell.
December 12, 2014
January 4, 2014
First blog of 2014. Here's how I'm feeling.
The weather is horrible.
I'm worried about my father going to work in it.
My own car's brakes are going screwy RIGHT as I got money.
My aunt Sandy is still in extremely poor condition.
I fear my grandparents aren't far behind.
My dad's mom is also in poor condition and my thundercunt of an aunt basically changed everything about my grandma's apartment.
I fear I won't finish my minor and my honors concentration.
I'm afraid I won't find a job after college, but I'm also afraid that if I DO find a job it'll lead me away from my dream of writing and comedy.
I don't wanna go to school because I feel like I haven't rested all of break.
I still really dislike a lot of people at school even though I haven't seen them for almost a month.
My legs are achey right now.
I got glasses recently and I'm amazed at both how bad my natural eyesight is and how good I see with them on.
I really want to date someone, just so I can have some form of companionship to focus upon.
I feel like this semester won't be hard as much as it'll just be frustrating.
I have amazing friends.
I'm also fairly good friends with Whitney again, even if though I still get pissed every time she tweets about that vegetarian-frat-douche boyfriend of hers. (Not sure if actually a douche or my jealousy paints him as such. More details as they arise.)
I feel really great about the progress of the play I'm in, and I can't wait for the actual shows to start in 3 weeks.
I take comfort in knowing that a lot of people share my fears and apprehensions.
My faith in God and humanity is balanced because it is continually tested, shaken, lost, and restored.
I'm glad 2013 is over but at the same time I'm worried 2014 might be worse.
I'm also open to believing that it very well could be a fantastic year.
I guess only time will tell.
I'm worried about my father going to work in it.
My own car's brakes are going screwy RIGHT as I got money.
My aunt Sandy is still in extremely poor condition.
I fear my grandparents aren't far behind.
My dad's mom is also in poor condition and my thundercunt of an aunt basically changed everything about my grandma's apartment.
I fear I won't finish my minor and my honors concentration.
I'm afraid I won't find a job after college, but I'm also afraid that if I DO find a job it'll lead me away from my dream of writing and comedy.
I don't wanna go to school because I feel like I haven't rested all of break.
I still really dislike a lot of people at school even though I haven't seen them for almost a month.
My legs are achey right now.
I got glasses recently and I'm amazed at both how bad my natural eyesight is and how good I see with them on.
I really want to date someone, just so I can have some form of companionship to focus upon.
I feel like this semester won't be hard as much as it'll just be frustrating.
I have amazing friends.
I'm also fairly good friends with Whitney again, even if though I still get pissed every time she tweets about that vegetarian-frat-douche boyfriend of hers. (Not sure if actually a douche or my jealousy paints him as such. More details as they arise.)
I feel really great about the progress of the play I'm in, and I can't wait for the actual shows to start in 3 weeks.
I take comfort in knowing that a lot of people share my fears and apprehensions.
My faith in God and humanity is balanced because it is continually tested, shaken, lost, and restored.
I'm glad 2013 is over but at the same time I'm worried 2014 might be worse.
I'm also open to believing that it very well could be a fantastic year.
I guess only time will tell.
December 5, 2013
But wait there's more.
This semester needs to end. It needs to end and it needs to end right now.
Currently I have a 1500 word paper due tomorrow and I can't even find another source that I want to use so I can have two and compare a bunch of shit to Hamlet.
Ugh. I don't even feel emotionally up to the task of writing a paper. I'm just so done.
(More Whitney-related angst incoming...)
Ok so in this post-break time, our friendship looks like it's just fine but I'm just kind of a mess now. Like, stuff that shouldn't bother me is causing me to have mild panics. I met the guy I thought she was replacing me with tonight and I'm like 97% sure they're dating, but she doesn't want me to know because she knows the kind of impact it'd have on me. I know it sounds like paranoia but she knows me VERY well. I mean, I'm happy for her if she is but like...I don't know. I guess I would be super jealous because of how close we are (were?) and it would actually make me more upset that she wouldn't just tell me. I know it sounds weird but I can just see it.
We went to the vegetarian club dinner after work and he was waiting outside the MWC for her, which isn't anything out of the ordinary. However, I introduced myself to her and he looked at her, laughed, and said, "Did I do good?" and then she slugged him. Then throughout the night like he sat super close to her (like damn near right on top of her) and they would talk really close to each other's faces while I was right there. I kept waiting for them to kiss each other so I could just know what the deal was, be done with it and leave.
Then again it could be totally unfounded, seeing as how apparently Whitney and I acted like that all year last year and people thought we were dating and we didn't even realize we came off as such.
I dunno. Maybe I'm just paranoid. I just hate this. We used to hang out all the time and I would come over and we'd watch movies and everything and now he's doing all that. I'll ask her if I can come hang out or if she has plans and she just doesn't get back to me. Tonight, SHE asked HIM if he wanted to go to her room to hang out Saturday. Like, I've been asking her constantly to hang out just like we always have and she'd just be like, "Oh I haven't had time," but she said he could go to her room even though she'd be doing homework all day because his dumb ass didn't want to be tempted to go to a party at Rose Hulman.
HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE TEMPTED TO GO TO A PARTY! I'VE HAD LEGITIMATE ANXIETY ISSUES, I GO INTO PANIC ATTACKS AND LASH OUT OVER THE MOST MINUTE ISSUES, MY GRANDPARENTS' CONDITIONS ARE WORSENING, MY AUNT SANDY ISN'T MUCH BETTER, MY DAD SAID TO HIS DOCTOR THAT HE WANTED TO KILL HIMSELF, MY DAD'S SISTER IS A DUMB CUNT, AND I CAN'T FUCKING THINK HALF THE TIME TO GET ANYTHING DONE!
I've seriously been tempted to just write all this in a gigantic letter and hand it to her so she knows but I
A. don't want to upset her because she has her own problems and
B. don't really know if she cares.
A lot of people say your junior year in college is the worst from the workload. Right now this has been the worst in more ways than one. Considering I had a fucking heart attack last year, that's really saying something.
I think I just need a break. I need a break from everything. The stress from school and work is getting to me and affecting me on a level I would rather not be affected.
That being said, I need to get back to the old grind of work. This paper is due in 11 hours and I haven't so much as written a single word.
Scratch that. I now have a title.
Currently I have a 1500 word paper due tomorrow and I can't even find another source that I want to use so I can have two and compare a bunch of shit to Hamlet.
Ugh. I don't even feel emotionally up to the task of writing a paper. I'm just so done.
(More Whitney-related angst incoming...)
Ok so in this post-break time, our friendship looks like it's just fine but I'm just kind of a mess now. Like, stuff that shouldn't bother me is causing me to have mild panics. I met the guy I thought she was replacing me with tonight and I'm like 97% sure they're dating, but she doesn't want me to know because she knows the kind of impact it'd have on me. I know it sounds like paranoia but she knows me VERY well. I mean, I'm happy for her if she is but like...I don't know. I guess I would be super jealous because of how close we are (were?) and it would actually make me more upset that she wouldn't just tell me. I know it sounds weird but I can just see it.
We went to the vegetarian club dinner after work and he was waiting outside the MWC for her, which isn't anything out of the ordinary. However, I introduced myself to her and he looked at her, laughed, and said, "Did I do good?" and then she slugged him. Then throughout the night like he sat super close to her (like damn near right on top of her) and they would talk really close to each other's faces while I was right there. I kept waiting for them to kiss each other so I could just know what the deal was, be done with it and leave.
Then again it could be totally unfounded, seeing as how apparently Whitney and I acted like that all year last year and people thought we were dating and we didn't even realize we came off as such.
I dunno. Maybe I'm just paranoid. I just hate this. We used to hang out all the time and I would come over and we'd watch movies and everything and now he's doing all that. I'll ask her if I can come hang out or if she has plans and she just doesn't get back to me. Tonight, SHE asked HIM if he wanted to go to her room to hang out Saturday. Like, I've been asking her constantly to hang out just like we always have and she'd just be like, "Oh I haven't had time," but she said he could go to her room even though she'd be doing homework all day because his dumb ass didn't want to be tempted to go to a party at Rose Hulman.
HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE TEMPTED TO GO TO A PARTY! I'VE HAD LEGITIMATE ANXIETY ISSUES, I GO INTO PANIC ATTACKS AND LASH OUT OVER THE MOST MINUTE ISSUES, MY GRANDPARENTS' CONDITIONS ARE WORSENING, MY AUNT SANDY ISN'T MUCH BETTER, MY DAD SAID TO HIS DOCTOR THAT HE WANTED TO KILL HIMSELF, MY DAD'S SISTER IS A DUMB CUNT, AND I CAN'T FUCKING THINK HALF THE TIME TO GET ANYTHING DONE!
I've seriously been tempted to just write all this in a gigantic letter and hand it to her so she knows but I
A. don't want to upset her because she has her own problems and
B. don't really know if she cares.
A lot of people say your junior year in college is the worst from the workload. Right now this has been the worst in more ways than one. Considering I had a fucking heart attack last year, that's really saying something.
I think I just need a break. I need a break from everything. The stress from school and work is getting to me and affecting me on a level I would rather not be affected.
That being said, I need to get back to the old grind of work. This paper is due in 11 hours and I haven't so much as written a single word.
Scratch that. I now have a title.
November 22, 2013
I fucking hate this class
American lit 240. Yaaay. -___- It's the last day before Thanksgiving Break and I actually came to class for reasons I still have not totally figured out.
Everyone in this class is an idiot. Well...everyone who is here today anyway. Well not EVERYONE...really it's just the teacher and this dude in the back, right corner of the room whom I just plain find annoying in general.
I know I just wrote last night that a bunch of shit that bothers me doesn't matter. I think I was wrong in that assertion.
What I should've said is that it shouldn't matter, because it's ridiculous that my heart is sinking into my stomach over seemingly nonsensical matters. That doesn't change the fact that feeling like I lost my best friend, as a result of the job she used the "best friend" card to convince me to join, feels a hell of a lot worse than having my heart be physically injured by viral myocarditis.
Hahaha. I guess it's poetic in a sense.
A year ago I had a heart attack and this year it's breaking right in half.
I guess I just need to stay off of Twitter. That way I don't have to see her call that guy her best friend all the time whenever he does the shit that she used to want me to do.
What's even sadder is that she asked who wanted to buy her coffee last night, and I did but I didn't have any money.
By golly he did though. A few minutes before I clocked out, she checked her phone and then went downstairs. She thanked him, gave him a hug, and called him "best friend" right as I was clocking out.
I just put on my best poker face, said bye to the people by the front desk, and left.
I just have to do that same thing a few more times, and then I'll be free of it all. I'll get a week off, come back for a few days the week after, do my final exams after that, then I'm out for Christmas.
She's expressed that she wants to quit working at the Math and Writing Center and go somewhere else.
At the beginning of the semester I would've quit too because I wouldn't want to work there without my best friend. Now I hope she does so I don't have to see her anymore, because I don't have any classes with her next semester either for the first time in our college careers.
She's gone from a simple classmate, to a friend, to my best friend whom I've talked to about stuff I haven't mentioned to anyone else, to someone I had strong feelings for, to best friend, and finally to a simple coworker and classmate.
Next thing you know she's going to complete the cycle and act like we never even met in the first place.
Fuck.
Everyone in this class is an idiot. Well...everyone who is here today anyway. Well not EVERYONE...really it's just the teacher and this dude in the back, right corner of the room whom I just plain find annoying in general.
I know I just wrote last night that a bunch of shit that bothers me doesn't matter. I think I was wrong in that assertion.
What I should've said is that it shouldn't matter, because it's ridiculous that my heart is sinking into my stomach over seemingly nonsensical matters. That doesn't change the fact that feeling like I lost my best friend, as a result of the job she used the "best friend" card to convince me to join, feels a hell of a lot worse than having my heart be physically injured by viral myocarditis.
Hahaha. I guess it's poetic in a sense.
A year ago I had a heart attack and this year it's breaking right in half.
I guess I just need to stay off of Twitter. That way I don't have to see her call that guy her best friend all the time whenever he does the shit that she used to want me to do.
What's even sadder is that she asked who wanted to buy her coffee last night, and I did but I didn't have any money.
By golly he did though. A few minutes before I clocked out, she checked her phone and then went downstairs. She thanked him, gave him a hug, and called him "best friend" right as I was clocking out.
I just put on my best poker face, said bye to the people by the front desk, and left.
I just have to do that same thing a few more times, and then I'll be free of it all. I'll get a week off, come back for a few days the week after, do my final exams after that, then I'm out for Christmas.
She's expressed that she wants to quit working at the Math and Writing Center and go somewhere else.
At the beginning of the semester I would've quit too because I wouldn't want to work there without my best friend. Now I hope she does so I don't have to see her anymore, because I don't have any classes with her next semester either for the first time in our college careers.
She's gone from a simple classmate, to a friend, to my best friend whom I've talked to about stuff I haven't mentioned to anyone else, to someone I had strong feelings for, to best friend, and finally to a simple coworker and classmate.
Next thing you know she's going to complete the cycle and act like we never even met in the first place.
Fuck.
I've come to a startling conclusion
It doesn't matter. None of it fucking matters. Work place politics, trying to hold on to clearly dying friendships, no shave november, getting angry over having a shitty extended family, cream of wheat bubbling over and out of the bowl, not having kissed a girl in over 3 years and everything else that's petty. It doesn't make a god damn lick of difference any way you cut it because, at the end of the day, we have to live with ourselves and ourselves only.
I've been worrying about all this stupid shit and it really does not matter at all.
My dad was diagnosed with advanced clinical depression today. He has already been on Zoloft since I was a little kid and everything he has worried about has only made it worse. These are important things like us, his mother, and his job. What scares me even more is that he told his doctor today that he recently had some very troubling thoughts about himself as a result. Yet here I am having anxiety because my best friend won't text me back, sees me as only a coworker, and hugged some other dude tonight before saying "Bye best friend!!" while I was around (even though I don't thinks she realized it).
My grandfather on my mom's side had a nervous breakdown in his mid twenties because he worried so much and had extreme anxiety, which scares me because every time I talk to my grandma about something that truly bothers me, she always has an example of something that happened to him. Especially when it's something bothering me involving my mom. (His mom was pretty shitty too at times.)
All in all, everything giving me anxiety (aside from the problems with my family) really just...doesn't matter at all.
I don't want you guys to think I don't care or that I'm not hurt by anything going on, because that's not
the case. I certainly haven't given up at all, as well.
I don't know how to explain it. I still feel the anxiety and hurt feelings, but at the same time I just don't feel like any of it really means anything anymore.
Whitney moved on, the world moves on, so why should I try to ground myself in the happiness of what used to be? All the petty shit doesn't matter and is only distracting me from what is really important.
Being there for my family.
Being there for my real friends.
Doing what I really haven't ever made a point to do: securing happiness for my self.
May 10, 2013
(oooh, Levi's posting about women again. What a big FRICKIN SURPRISE!)
I find it odd how you can upload a video to a blog but not an audio post. I recorded my voice onto my iPod and basically explained all this shiz and just letting you hear it would be FAR easier. Maybe I should save it as a video... ...ANYWAY.
Yeah so there's this thing where like...
actually.
I don't really feel like it, guys. I'm sorry, I just ...can't.
Yeah so there's this thing where like...
actually.
I don't really feel like it, guys. I'm sorry, I just ...can't.
April 15, 2013
I just... ...ugh
Ok so. The last few days have certainly been strange. Well...I'd say the last week or so has been...less than desirable. Join me on this adventure, won't you? (Ugh...that makes no sense...whatever.)
Ok so stupid shit blahdy blah. If you follow me on Twitter (@marvincomedy! Come aboard!) and you're reading this in April of 2013, chances are you saw my mildly exasperated and crazily "sit-com"-esque story. Ok so this girl I've found myself attracted to for the last couple years (hereafter known as Katrina...for that is her name) is now single. To be blunt, I sent an excited text to my best friend Whitney along the lines of "SHE'S SINGLE! KATRINA IS SINGLE! TO QUOTE RAFIKI, "IT IS TIME!" Well the problem is that I had the INTENTION of sending it to Whitney but instead accidentally sent it to Katrina due to a mental lapse of sorts. Well she texted back like "lol I've been single for a while now" and she said she'd been single for two weeks. To avoid any confusing signals I decided to be truthful and tell her that I meant to send the text to someone else and the awkward just inflated to bouncy castle proportions. She texted back with "oh!" and then "So how bout them Colts" and I responded with an awkward answer that was kind of jokey to try and clear the air. Something like "Oh you know...football and stuff" and she told me she was going to bed and that she would talk to me later. So like...I guess it could've been much worse. She wasn't disgusted by the aspect but like...it was just plain awkward. Although a great story for later. The only thing I dislike is that we haven't talked since. But I think it won't be too bad. I might want to try and smooth stuff over here in a few days.
But the thing is like...I'm not even sure I want to date Katrina. Well...I'm not FULLY sure anyway. Like she's fun and super pretty and just my type but I've found myself falling into the trap of falling for my best friend. Namely, the previously mentioned Whitney. Like...I seriously have a deeper affection for her than I think I've had for anyone else. Which really sucks because she's one of my absolute best friends and I don't wanna mess it up but just like...holy...effing....damn. Yeah, it's kinda like that.
Now to move on to deeper matters. I had quite the existential episode yesterday. I got into an argument with my mom over 6 dollars because of lunch which evolved into us arguing over me helping out with money in general (which I admittedly have not really done very well but decided to since improve) which THEN moved into me sitting in my computer chair, on the verge of crying, telling my mom and brother how I feel like I'm the lowest on the totem pole and can't get any respect and basically how incredibly afraid I am of growing up because I'm trying to be an adult (as I am 20 as of writing this) but I still feel like a kid. I mean c'mon, I have Pokemon curtains. I am not ashamed. I just like video game and cartoon shit. For example from 'lack of family respect' category, my cousin called me a "man-child" because I watched Regular Show and then Justice League on Netflix. To put it in perspective, he's 17 and home schooled. Don't get me wrong, he's arguably my favorite cousin and a great kid, but he's very much the typical member of my family who puts too much stock into owning a diesel truck and believes being an adult means basically living a country song. (Which is ironic because he plays WoW all the time. Who knows, he could be going through the same thing as I am. It'd make sense. But that's all purely speculative.) But like, I should be treated more like an adult than my other cousin who is 23. Sure I'm living at home but I'm in my second year of college. He's 23, has a wife and kid, and is living with his wife in his parents' basement and doesn't contribute like...at all. He also gets really shitty with my aunt and uncle a lot, which has been pretty par for the course for him for as long as I can remember. So yeah...that's a thing.
Then we have today. Today some asshole (or assholes as it still has not been confirmed. Again, future people, remember that I'm writing this on 4/15/2013) decided to detonate bombs at the Boston Marathon. And instead of everyone coming together, and there are quite a few, a lot of them are just spewing hate. Take this one asshole by the name of Erik Rush. He's an African American, Conservative writer and anchor for the societal shitstain that is Fox News. He tweeted that we need to quit letting Saudi's (because someone who is apparently a Saudi Arabian national is being held at a guarded hospital for burns) in the country without background checks and that all Muslims are terrorists and we should "Kill them all." I guess it just goes to show that ignorance and stupidity are not locked in my racial or any other type of background. It's just as bad that people are trying to counter him but many are simply cussing him out while he simply calls them "muzzie loving vermin" and "pussies." It just...it just saddens me that a terrible tragedy could take place on our soil and our own people are fighting because in this day of modern technology the ignorant who are normally loud have an even louder voice over Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. I suppose the best course of action is to ignore these people and hope that they only are heard by those that agree and eventually are only yelling into a mirror because they're the only ones who'll listen to their own bullshit. Unfortunately fear and ignorance go hand-in-hand so I have the horrible feeling that this will not go away any time soon.
Lesson for the future. There are a lot of horrible people in this world right now. Fox News, the Westboro Baptist Church, Al Qaeda, Kim-Jong Un, and just downright awful people (like Justin Bieber and Chris Brown) will always think they're more important than everyone else. Luckily there are also good people. People who stand up for good, and honesty, and understanding. We all come to a point where we wonder what type of person we want to be. All I ask is that you be the type of person who a 5 year-old version of you would want to be like. Try to decrease how much everything sucks. Also if you don't know what something is, for the love of all that is good in the world just look it up before you make yourself look like an idiot.
To quote the great philosophers Bill and Ted, "Be excellent to each other."
"Party on dudes."
Ok so stupid shit blahdy blah. If you follow me on Twitter (@marvincomedy! Come aboard!) and you're reading this in April of 2013, chances are you saw my mildly exasperated and crazily "sit-com"-esque story. Ok so this girl I've found myself attracted to for the last couple years (hereafter known as Katrina...for that is her name) is now single. To be blunt, I sent an excited text to my best friend Whitney along the lines of "SHE'S SINGLE! KATRINA IS SINGLE! TO QUOTE RAFIKI, "IT IS TIME!" Well the problem is that I had the INTENTION of sending it to Whitney but instead accidentally sent it to Katrina due to a mental lapse of sorts. Well she texted back like "lol I've been single for a while now" and she said she'd been single for two weeks. To avoid any confusing signals I decided to be truthful and tell her that I meant to send the text to someone else and the awkward just inflated to bouncy castle proportions. She texted back with "oh!" and then "So how bout them Colts" and I responded with an awkward answer that was kind of jokey to try and clear the air. Something like "Oh you know...football and stuff" and she told me she was going to bed and that she would talk to me later. So like...I guess it could've been much worse. She wasn't disgusted by the aspect but like...it was just plain awkward. Although a great story for later. The only thing I dislike is that we haven't talked since. But I think it won't be too bad. I might want to try and smooth stuff over here in a few days.
But the thing is like...I'm not even sure I want to date Katrina. Well...I'm not FULLY sure anyway. Like she's fun and super pretty and just my type but I've found myself falling into the trap of falling for my best friend. Namely, the previously mentioned Whitney. Like...I seriously have a deeper affection for her than I think I've had for anyone else. Which really sucks because she's one of my absolute best friends and I don't wanna mess it up but just like...holy...effing....damn. Yeah, it's kinda like that.
Now to move on to deeper matters. I had quite the existential episode yesterday. I got into an argument with my mom over 6 dollars because of lunch which evolved into us arguing over me helping out with money in general (which I admittedly have not really done very well but decided to since improve) which THEN moved into me sitting in my computer chair, on the verge of crying, telling my mom and brother how I feel like I'm the lowest on the totem pole and can't get any respect and basically how incredibly afraid I am of growing up because I'm trying to be an adult (as I am 20 as of writing this) but I still feel like a kid. I mean c'mon, I have Pokemon curtains. I am not ashamed. I just like video game and cartoon shit. For example from 'lack of family respect' category, my cousin called me a "man-child" because I watched Regular Show and then Justice League on Netflix. To put it in perspective, he's 17 and home schooled. Don't get me wrong, he's arguably my favorite cousin and a great kid, but he's very much the typical member of my family who puts too much stock into owning a diesel truck and believes being an adult means basically living a country song. (Which is ironic because he plays WoW all the time. Who knows, he could be going through the same thing as I am. It'd make sense. But that's all purely speculative.) But like, I should be treated more like an adult than my other cousin who is 23. Sure I'm living at home but I'm in my second year of college. He's 23, has a wife and kid, and is living with his wife in his parents' basement and doesn't contribute like...at all. He also gets really shitty with my aunt and uncle a lot, which has been pretty par for the course for him for as long as I can remember. So yeah...that's a thing.
Then we have today. Today some asshole (or assholes as it still has not been confirmed. Again, future people, remember that I'm writing this on 4/15/2013) decided to detonate bombs at the Boston Marathon. And instead of everyone coming together, and there are quite a few, a lot of them are just spewing hate. Take this one asshole by the name of Erik Rush. He's an African American, Conservative writer and anchor for the societal shitstain that is Fox News. He tweeted that we need to quit letting Saudi's (because someone who is apparently a Saudi Arabian national is being held at a guarded hospital for burns) in the country without background checks and that all Muslims are terrorists and we should "Kill them all." I guess it just goes to show that ignorance and stupidity are not locked in my racial or any other type of background. It's just as bad that people are trying to counter him but many are simply cussing him out while he simply calls them "muzzie loving vermin" and "pussies." It just...it just saddens me that a terrible tragedy could take place on our soil and our own people are fighting because in this day of modern technology the ignorant who are normally loud have an even louder voice over Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. I suppose the best course of action is to ignore these people and hope that they only are heard by those that agree and eventually are only yelling into a mirror because they're the only ones who'll listen to their own bullshit. Unfortunately fear and ignorance go hand-in-hand so I have the horrible feeling that this will not go away any time soon.
Lesson for the future. There are a lot of horrible people in this world right now. Fox News, the Westboro Baptist Church, Al Qaeda, Kim-Jong Un, and just downright awful people (like Justin Bieber and Chris Brown) will always think they're more important than everyone else. Luckily there are also good people. People who stand up for good, and honesty, and understanding. We all come to a point where we wonder what type of person we want to be. All I ask is that you be the type of person who a 5 year-old version of you would want to be like. Try to decrease how much everything sucks. Also if you don't know what something is, for the love of all that is good in the world just look it up before you make yourself look like an idiot.
To quote the great philosophers Bill and Ted, "Be excellent to each other."
"Party on dudes."
March 14, 2013
Some Thoughts I'm VERY Sure Of
Okay so first of all, I get really mad over stuff that doesn't matter. Like, I got a text message on my phone and my mom read it to tell me what the message said instead of just telling me I had a message. This angered me even though I know my mom was just trying to help but it was still a principle thing. Oh well. I got the reason why and forgave her and even apologized for getting mad.
I had the second of two planned meet-ups tonight. This time at a locally owned coffee shop and with a slightly newer friend by the name of Raven. Raven brought a friend with her and, while I was a bit down on the prospect at first as I halfway thought I might try mackin on Raven, I found her to be quite pleasant. We also both had something in common in that we both used to work for Kmart so we definitely had some stories to share.
The conversation with Raven was obviously much different than it was with Kara. Kara's night was focused partially on catching up and also just our friendship's procedure (meet up, go somewhere, shenanigans, she acts whimsically and I play the role of the damp blanket). The conversation with Raven was very...sexually charged. Granted it wasn't uncomfortable or even flirty. It was actually relieving in the way that I could talk to someone about stuff that would normally be awkward but was also guilt free. Mostly because I knew she was cool with stuff and wouldn't judge me negatively at all.
She talked about how she hated relationships, and I talked about my ironic dislike despite my continued pursuit of them. Some jokes and quips we made by the two of us with Tanni joining in some of the conversation also.
Essentially I sealed my opinion of Raven in the fact that she's very nice and I find her attractive. Would I want to be in a relationship with her? Probably not. Granted, she wouldn't want to date me either. That was made apparent when she expressed her affinity for really tall guys ( a trait that I obviously do not possess). However, if I can play my cards right I could TOTALLY see myself getting to at least second base. Which is something I suppose.
Also, I felt it much, much easier to hold a conversation with both ladies. Thus adding a little more merit to this whole "new me" thing. Either that, or I just felt more comfortable in silence around Kara and was, admittedly, trying to talk my tongue onto a path directly headed toward Raven's mouth.
Wow...I actually feel kind of piggish saying that. Mostly because it's kind of out of my character to actually want to pursue something physical with a lady as opposed to simply longing to have a special lady-friend and a relationship. Meh. It probably won't happen anyway. I can pretty much call these kinds of things. Mostly because I make self-fulfilling prophecies about my own romantic failure.
But hey, crazier things have happened to me. Maybe I can make this work.
Now more than ever,
SNOOCH TO THE MOTHER EFFIN NOOOOOOOOOCH!
I had the second of two planned meet-ups tonight. This time at a locally owned coffee shop and with a slightly newer friend by the name of Raven. Raven brought a friend with her and, while I was a bit down on the prospect at first as I halfway thought I might try mackin on Raven, I found her to be quite pleasant. We also both had something in common in that we both used to work for Kmart so we definitely had some stories to share.
The conversation with Raven was obviously much different than it was with Kara. Kara's night was focused partially on catching up and also just our friendship's procedure (meet up, go somewhere, shenanigans, she acts whimsically and I play the role of the damp blanket). The conversation with Raven was very...sexually charged. Granted it wasn't uncomfortable or even flirty. It was actually relieving in the way that I could talk to someone about stuff that would normally be awkward but was also guilt free. Mostly because I knew she was cool with stuff and wouldn't judge me negatively at all.
She talked about how she hated relationships, and I talked about my ironic dislike despite my continued pursuit of them. Some jokes and quips we made by the two of us with Tanni joining in some of the conversation also.
Essentially I sealed my opinion of Raven in the fact that she's very nice and I find her attractive. Would I want to be in a relationship with her? Probably not. Granted, she wouldn't want to date me either. That was made apparent when she expressed her affinity for really tall guys ( a trait that I obviously do not possess). However, if I can play my cards right I could TOTALLY see myself getting to at least second base. Which is something I suppose.
Also, I felt it much, much easier to hold a conversation with both ladies. Thus adding a little more merit to this whole "new me" thing. Either that, or I just felt more comfortable in silence around Kara and was, admittedly, trying to talk my tongue onto a path directly headed toward Raven's mouth.
Wow...I actually feel kind of piggish saying that. Mostly because it's kind of out of my character to actually want to pursue something physical with a lady as opposed to simply longing to have a special lady-friend and a relationship. Meh. It probably won't happen anyway. I can pretty much call these kinds of things. Mostly because I make self-fulfilling prophecies about my own romantic failure.
But hey, crazier things have happened to me. Maybe I can make this work.
Now more than ever,
SNOOCH TO THE MOTHER EFFIN NOOOOOOOOOCH!
March 13, 2013
Some Thoughts Even I'm Not Sure Of.
First, I know it should be 'some thoughts of which even I am not sure' but I'm protesting my Grammar class.
Secondly, good to see Blogger may as well just be Google+ Documents now because it looks exactly like that, so thanks Google. Have fun owning the world because variety totally isn't cool at all. No, let's let one corporation get into all of our business and know damn near everything about us. You've gone from a search engine, to moving basically the whole earth. Jeeves never had that much balls so kudos.
So here's the deal, man. I hung out with an old friend tonight and that term fits because I definitely felt like my old self. Essentially we had not spent time together in so long, I can't even remember off-hand the approximate date of our last meeting. That said, I thought it was time for us to spend a bit of time together. What better place than Starbucks?
Well, first of all, it was my first time at Starbucks without a computer since I first entered the establishment so it definitely felt odd. However I found it nice that we could talk and discuss our lives and what's going on but for some reason I just...couldn't. I honestly felt like I had nothing to talk about. It was like we had just seen each other yesterday, but not in the good way that garners familiarity. It was in the sense that I felt as though I had nothing profound to say. Actually I felt like I didn't really have anything to say at all. Admittedly, this also was partially due to the fact that I just had fun watching her fiddle with her cup as she drank the last of her coffee and tore the little cardboard ring off and separated the logo from the rest. Her facial expressions as she talked were also nice to see. I don't mean to get all poetic or whatever but it was just like...dang. What I'm trying to say is she looked reeeeaaallly good. Both the adorable and playful attitude I knew her to have mixed with a well-dressed fashion and flat out beauty.
Also I didn't really make a good impression of who I want 'me' to be, since my parking was kind of shitty and she got the idea that I was a horrible driver from that one sight. Which sucked considering I'm actually a pretty good driver and usually have no trouble at all with a simple parking spot.
Anyway, we went to Wal-Mart afterward because she wanted to commit some shenanigans and not just sit down, which was understandable given we both commonly sit at our computers quite often. (Hell, I'm doing it right now). On the way, I didn't speak. In the car I don't talk unless I have a conversation. It's out of a habit, really. I'm conditioned to have headphones plugged into my ears if I'm in the passenger seat (she insisted on driving given my previously mentioned lack of parking prowess). However, she still asked if I was okay. Apparently I had this perturbed look on my face. I admitted that I was a bit nervous about leaving my car in the Starbucks parking lot but other than that I was perfectly fine. I was just quiet. I could understand why she found this odd, normally I can't seem to shut up when I'm around people because I'm either making them laugh or simply dominating the conversation by talking about some problem I'm having or the latest superhero movie or some shit of the sort.
I didn't really talk at Wal-Mart either. I asked her to hang out under the impression that we'd have fun, and here I was being almost completely silent. If you saw me, you'd probably have sworn that I was there against my will. I really wanted to have a good time but I think I realized I was just kind of chasing something that wasn't there anymore. A high school crush, a friendship from when I was more energetic and willing to chase a hyper girl around a store, or just something more than nothing at all. So then there was the looking around at craft supplies, and a quick stop in the toy aisle so she could look for bath crayons and our smelling/her choosing of candles we were on our way. On the way back something came up. Like, it escalated kind of quickly. The topic of social media came around and I mentioned how I used to like Twitter's lack of my relatives seeing my posts until my cousin 'followed' me. Then she mentioned an incident that happened a good couple of years ago in which we were at one of her soccer games and my cousin (different cousin than the one that followed me) called her dad by his first name because he was raised in a country family and they all consider each other friends and don't concern themselves with formalities. She mentioned how her dad still remembers that and dislikes my cousin for it. I told her that her dad could pull the stick out of his ass. Naturally, she took offense to it and fired back with a remark stating my cousin lacked manners. I quieted myself again as she put on some music.
We arrived back at Starbucks and I was about to get out after an awkward hug due to the confined space of the car. I closed the door and unlocked my car and proceeded to open her door and apologize and explain while her parents were always nice to me, I had to defend my cousin because he is, in reality, quite well-mannered. I wasn't about to bring up the fact that her dad needed to let it go as it happened over 2 years ago and that her parents aren't the ABSOLUTE best people. Granted, they've always been super welcoming and warm to me but they've offended other parents (her mother specifically) in our high school marching band organizations to the point of quitting and have had a kind of stuck-uppy attitude in the past about certain topics. Now you know my conflict. However, I absolutely refuse attacks against my cousin's character and manners, especially over an extremely light incident that happened when he was a kid. I know it's only a couple years but anyone who's been among teens knows the vast developmental and character differences between 14 and 16 year-olds.
I guess I'm just not that guy anymore. I can joke around sure but I don't run around Wal-Mart or the mall. I prefer to sit in a coffee shop talking about life, or bowling. Ugh. I guess that heart virus really did turn me into an old man. Maybe it's a side effect of the medicine I'm still on. Hopefully it'll go away when I get the clearance to cease taking them after my next visit to the doctor.
That got me thinking. What kind of guy am I? I've been thinking about this a lot lately. What kind of person do I want to be? I know I want to be a writer, comedian, friend, brother, son but most of those are in relation to other people; which most would argue builds identity given that who we are is often defined by our actions and how others perceive us. The main problem I have is that I still don't quite know who I am in relation to myself. I've never really examined who I am in the sense of me. I've always tried to emulate people or even fictional characters. It's fitting that my 3 comic book character shirts that are simply emblems or replicas of that characters costume are Superman, Spider-Man, and The Joker. All three have qualities that build what I want to be and also have qualities of who I believe I am. I wish to be Superman and help anyone I can and be strong and nearly invulnerable; however I'm plagued by the fact that I'm also afraid of hurting someone every time I try to do something or interact with someone. Spider-Man fits me in that I put on a mask to hide my true insecurities about my identity and play off my fears with humorous quips and one-liners. The Joker is the darkest side of me. The side in which the jokes never stop but may cross the line and be absolutely remorseless in whom I may hurt or offend. People may think I'm insane or that nothing bothers me because I'm too busy laughing, although I'm troubled on the inside. I suppose the same would be true if I had a Deadpool shirt as he's a similar character. The only difference is that he is less villainous and more of a free agent who is prone to having whimsy and money decide where his loyalties lie. These kinds of qualities are why I connect with these characters so deeply. It's not that I want to actually put on a cape and fly around, I just want to be there for those I care about and be able to show my true worth and colors through my actions.
I don't know guys, I guess I've just got some soul searching to do. Now's not a bad time to do it, since I have about five days left of Spring Break if weekends count. Maybe I should just distance myself from social media and stuff for a while. Just kind of fade away for a bit. Granted nobody talks to me anyway. At least nobody that couldn't otherwise text me. I seriously just kind of open Facebook and do other stuff in case someone wants to talk to me, but no one ever does. Everyone has their own stuff I guess. I do have one or two, but as I already said, they could text me. No one ever sends me messages on Tumblr either. Twitter's not that bad. Basically I just need away from social media.
Tomorrow I'll see if the whole 'new me' thing holds any water. I'm hanging out with a different girl at a different coffee shop. This girl, I met just last year and only ever talked to in person at the local music venue open mic nights. Ergo, the only version of me she knows is the current me. Let's not get it wrong, I've always been the same person for the most part, I think I've just inflated some parts of my personality and downplayed others. Mostly in the realms of quietude and thoughtfulness versus obnoxious animation and humor.
Well, dear reader, thanks for perusing this post. Comment if you feel that you must. I'll definitely read it. I'll probably respond too. I generally do. After all, there are usually only about 2 or 3 people that even read these. Thanks again, by the way, you ladies seriously are the best for listening and responding like you do. I think it's high time I added to the number of confidantes. Anyways, I've rambled enough for one night. Thanks and I'll be with you next post.
Nooch.
Secondly, good to see Blogger may as well just be Google+ Documents now because it looks exactly like that, so thanks Google. Have fun owning the world because variety totally isn't cool at all. No, let's let one corporation get into all of our business and know damn near everything about us. You've gone from a search engine, to moving basically the whole earth. Jeeves never had that much balls so kudos.
So here's the deal, man. I hung out with an old friend tonight and that term fits because I definitely felt like my old self. Essentially we had not spent time together in so long, I can't even remember off-hand the approximate date of our last meeting. That said, I thought it was time for us to spend a bit of time together. What better place than Starbucks?
Well, first of all, it was my first time at Starbucks without a computer since I first entered the establishment so it definitely felt odd. However I found it nice that we could talk and discuss our lives and what's going on but for some reason I just...couldn't. I honestly felt like I had nothing to talk about. It was like we had just seen each other yesterday, but not in the good way that garners familiarity. It was in the sense that I felt as though I had nothing profound to say. Actually I felt like I didn't really have anything to say at all. Admittedly, this also was partially due to the fact that I just had fun watching her fiddle with her cup as she drank the last of her coffee and tore the little cardboard ring off and separated the logo from the rest. Her facial expressions as she talked were also nice to see. I don't mean to get all poetic or whatever but it was just like...dang. What I'm trying to say is she looked reeeeaaallly good. Both the adorable and playful attitude I knew her to have mixed with a well-dressed fashion and flat out beauty.
Also I didn't really make a good impression of who I want 'me' to be, since my parking was kind of shitty and she got the idea that I was a horrible driver from that one sight. Which sucked considering I'm actually a pretty good driver and usually have no trouble at all with a simple parking spot.
Anyway, we went to Wal-Mart afterward because she wanted to commit some shenanigans and not just sit down, which was understandable given we both commonly sit at our computers quite often. (Hell, I'm doing it right now). On the way, I didn't speak. In the car I don't talk unless I have a conversation. It's out of a habit, really. I'm conditioned to have headphones plugged into my ears if I'm in the passenger seat (she insisted on driving given my previously mentioned lack of parking prowess). However, she still asked if I was okay. Apparently I had this perturbed look on my face. I admitted that I was a bit nervous about leaving my car in the Starbucks parking lot but other than that I was perfectly fine. I was just quiet. I could understand why she found this odd, normally I can't seem to shut up when I'm around people because I'm either making them laugh or simply dominating the conversation by talking about some problem I'm having or the latest superhero movie or some shit of the sort.
I didn't really talk at Wal-Mart either. I asked her to hang out under the impression that we'd have fun, and here I was being almost completely silent. If you saw me, you'd probably have sworn that I was there against my will. I really wanted to have a good time but I think I realized I was just kind of chasing something that wasn't there anymore. A high school crush, a friendship from when I was more energetic and willing to chase a hyper girl around a store, or just something more than nothing at all. So then there was the looking around at craft supplies, and a quick stop in the toy aisle so she could look for bath crayons and our smelling/her choosing of candles we were on our way. On the way back something came up. Like, it escalated kind of quickly. The topic of social media came around and I mentioned how I used to like Twitter's lack of my relatives seeing my posts until my cousin 'followed' me. Then she mentioned an incident that happened a good couple of years ago in which we were at one of her soccer games and my cousin (different cousin than the one that followed me) called her dad by his first name because he was raised in a country family and they all consider each other friends and don't concern themselves with formalities. She mentioned how her dad still remembers that and dislikes my cousin for it. I told her that her dad could pull the stick out of his ass. Naturally, she took offense to it and fired back with a remark stating my cousin lacked manners. I quieted myself again as she put on some music.
We arrived back at Starbucks and I was about to get out after an awkward hug due to the confined space of the car. I closed the door and unlocked my car and proceeded to open her door and apologize and explain while her parents were always nice to me, I had to defend my cousin because he is, in reality, quite well-mannered. I wasn't about to bring up the fact that her dad needed to let it go as it happened over 2 years ago and that her parents aren't the ABSOLUTE best people. Granted, they've always been super welcoming and warm to me but they've offended other parents (her mother specifically) in our high school marching band organizations to the point of quitting and have had a kind of stuck-uppy attitude in the past about certain topics. Now you know my conflict. However, I absolutely refuse attacks against my cousin's character and manners, especially over an extremely light incident that happened when he was a kid. I know it's only a couple years but anyone who's been among teens knows the vast developmental and character differences between 14 and 16 year-olds.
I guess I'm just not that guy anymore. I can joke around sure but I don't run around Wal-Mart or the mall. I prefer to sit in a coffee shop talking about life, or bowling. Ugh. I guess that heart virus really did turn me into an old man. Maybe it's a side effect of the medicine I'm still on. Hopefully it'll go away when I get the clearance to cease taking them after my next visit to the doctor.
That got me thinking. What kind of guy am I? I've been thinking about this a lot lately. What kind of person do I want to be? I know I want to be a writer, comedian, friend, brother, son but most of those are in relation to other people; which most would argue builds identity given that who we are is often defined by our actions and how others perceive us. The main problem I have is that I still don't quite know who I am in relation to myself. I've never really examined who I am in the sense of me. I've always tried to emulate people or even fictional characters. It's fitting that my 3 comic book character shirts that are simply emblems or replicas of that characters costume are Superman, Spider-Man, and The Joker. All three have qualities that build what I want to be and also have qualities of who I believe I am. I wish to be Superman and help anyone I can and be strong and nearly invulnerable; however I'm plagued by the fact that I'm also afraid of hurting someone every time I try to do something or interact with someone. Spider-Man fits me in that I put on a mask to hide my true insecurities about my identity and play off my fears with humorous quips and one-liners. The Joker is the darkest side of me. The side in which the jokes never stop but may cross the line and be absolutely remorseless in whom I may hurt or offend. People may think I'm insane or that nothing bothers me because I'm too busy laughing, although I'm troubled on the inside. I suppose the same would be true if I had a Deadpool shirt as he's a similar character. The only difference is that he is less villainous and more of a free agent who is prone to having whimsy and money decide where his loyalties lie. These kinds of qualities are why I connect with these characters so deeply. It's not that I want to actually put on a cape and fly around, I just want to be there for those I care about and be able to show my true worth and colors through my actions.
I don't know guys, I guess I've just got some soul searching to do. Now's not a bad time to do it, since I have about five days left of Spring Break if weekends count. Maybe I should just distance myself from social media and stuff for a while. Just kind of fade away for a bit. Granted nobody talks to me anyway. At least nobody that couldn't otherwise text me. I seriously just kind of open Facebook and do other stuff in case someone wants to talk to me, but no one ever does. Everyone has their own stuff I guess. I do have one or two, but as I already said, they could text me. No one ever sends me messages on Tumblr either. Twitter's not that bad. Basically I just need away from social media.
Tomorrow I'll see if the whole 'new me' thing holds any water. I'm hanging out with a different girl at a different coffee shop. This girl, I met just last year and only ever talked to in person at the local music venue open mic nights. Ergo, the only version of me she knows is the current me. Let's not get it wrong, I've always been the same person for the most part, I think I've just inflated some parts of my personality and downplayed others. Mostly in the realms of quietude and thoughtfulness versus obnoxious animation and humor.
Well, dear reader, thanks for perusing this post. Comment if you feel that you must. I'll definitely read it. I'll probably respond too. I generally do. After all, there are usually only about 2 or 3 people that even read these. Thanks again, by the way, you ladies seriously are the best for listening and responding like you do. I think it's high time I added to the number of confidantes. Anyways, I've rambled enough for one night. Thanks and I'll be with you next post.
Nooch.
December 11, 2012
Rant Time
So you want a pity party do you? Seriously I used to think you were one of my best friends and you have been for the last year. But then you messed up. Big time. Said something happened to you that didn't and got me all worked up. You said you were "molested" but when I freaked out and wanted you to file a police report and told my mom what happened before almost going out at midnight to your house because I thought you might need someone to calm you down, you talked on the phone like I was making a bigger deal of it than it was before telling me someone just 'grabbed [your] breasts and force cuddled you'. This someone being a friend you know very well and wouldn't mind if you slapped him, which you should've just done because you were simply GROPED! There's a difference.
I haven't talked to you since that day because I was so pissed.
As such I started to re-examine our friendship from start to what very well may be the finish.
Beginning: I met you at after prom my senior year because you were dancing with my friend and date for the evening. I thought you were hot, fun, and you also were around my height. We became friends and started talking and confiding in each other. Basically we became friends because you wanted to get all up in my best friend's vajay. You caused me to kind of despise someone I had previously considered a great friend whom I had only disagreed with a few times but had an overall positive opinion of until you told me a bunch of shit.
Basically I believed everything you told me because I liked you, was quite naive, and thought you were sincere.
Time went by, I tried going out with you but every time I was about to ask you out I was blocked by you entering another relationship you turned out not to be happy with. I didn't mind. It wasn't that bad so I just stuck around as a friend since I wasn't necessarily devastated given I wasn't THAT into you.
We continued to talk to each other and become extremely good, almost best, friends. You inspired me with many creative writing ideas that honestly are mine at the core with you providing minor details like names or a few situations. Hell I even based a character off you. Luckily enough I've only written 288 words so that can be altered swiftly since she's still generic to a point.
You asked me once if I thought you'd changed since another friend of yours brought it up. I said I was unsure. Now I know. And you have. It's completely clear in how you dress/talk/act. When I met you, you'd color your hair or whatever but that was about it. You were simply fashionable. Now you act like you have to be all 'gramma-lookin' and hipsterish; you're completely sex crazed to the point of making a GIF of your breasts because you're proud of your body and wanted to show it (which I regrettably condoned since you're, by age only, an adult and I found you physically attractive and you knew this), and you smoke weed so much that you told me you didn't want me to refer you to any place that required a urine test. Which is funny because you talk about how weed isn't addictive almost as much as you say you want/need to get with your boyfriend and smoke it so you two can bang.
You also talk about this super feminine shit which is, without sounding misogynistic, idiotic and hypocritical coming from you. Constantly, and I've called you out on this, you'll post pictures of yourself to Tumblr with tags "natural" and "body mod" right next to each other because your 'feminist beliefs' make it so you don't have to shave your legs because you're natural yet you get so many piercings. I don't mind if you believe in both but don't be so hardcore for one and still do the other. That brings me to my next point.
The sensitive, bleeding-heart, anti-bullying shit.
When the infamous 'bottle girl' thing exploded on the scene you told everyone not to make fun of her or 'slut shame' her (even though you say ALL THE TIME that 'slut' shouldn't even be a word) because she may kill herself. Then rumors started and you began IMMEDIATELY with the 'I told you so' speech in a Facebook status. Then you got into an argument with my absolute best friend whom I almost literally consider a sister because I've known her so long and we've been through so much together. You don't realize it now but even though I decided ultimately not to take sides, I had a TREMENDOUS comment fully typed and ready to back her up and not you because you were being ridiculous and outlandish with your claims. In a later conversation you admitted that you started the fight, even though you spelled her name completely wrong which I forgave since you blocked each other so you couldn't look it up.
Final point to your hypocrisy. Still staying with the fact that you speak out so vehemently against 'cyber-bullying'. You constantly dress up to make yourself look like the Jersey Shore type with the orange skin and makeup and clothes before you take a pic of yourself and proceed to upload it to Facebook/Tumblr. Then when I call you out on it, in a nice way of course, you retort with "So? Call the cops." Oh. Cute.
By 'cute' I mean I dislike you more and more each day.
Last topic: your pathological need for attention. This is where all these other gripes stem from. Constantly you're looking for a response, always positive, and take no negative feedback well. You posted something I thought was cute and you asked if I thought it was funny. Honestly I didn't think it was supposed to be funny but you thought it was the most hilarious thing ever and got super bummed because it wasn't. Trust me. I know funny. I have it on good authority that I know funny. I played a crowd of 13 once and they loved my set.
Then there's all the sob stories. Look, I'm truly sorry you've been put through some of the things you've been through. Which is probably where your problems all stem from what with how your parents act. HOWEVER don't bitch about your life and your problems EXPECTING someone to verbally caress your hair and hold you and tell you it'll all work out. You just did this which is why I'm even talking about it, because it's mostly going to make me look like an insensitive piece of shit but honestly I don't care since this is free-speech/real-talk/airing of grievances time. You put a big list of shit your dad just did. Then no more than a half hour later put up another Tumblr post bitching about how none of your followers sent you a message or replied to the post and told us to all go screw ourselves. Now I can see why people I know told me you always did crazy things for attention but I didn't believe them or discounted their opinion as though they said it simply because they didn't like you.
You dropped out of beauty school and have no future plans because you have ambitions but thing you can't do anything. I know it's not for everyone but you really should think about going to school. If you're not then TRY TO FIND A DAMNED JOB! My best friend whom you got into the big argument with is not in school but has 3 jobs.
Now to end this with a few titles of Reel Big Fish songs (titles in all caps):
Anymore, I think you're a LOST CAUSE so here's some FAMOUS LAST WORDS.
PS I HATE YOU.
I haven't talked to you since that day because I was so pissed.
As such I started to re-examine our friendship from start to what very well may be the finish.
Beginning: I met you at after prom my senior year because you were dancing with my friend and date for the evening. I thought you were hot, fun, and you also were around my height. We became friends and started talking and confiding in each other. Basically we became friends because you wanted to get all up in my best friend's vajay. You caused me to kind of despise someone I had previously considered a great friend whom I had only disagreed with a few times but had an overall positive opinion of until you told me a bunch of shit.
Basically I believed everything you told me because I liked you, was quite naive, and thought you were sincere.
Time went by, I tried going out with you but every time I was about to ask you out I was blocked by you entering another relationship you turned out not to be happy with. I didn't mind. It wasn't that bad so I just stuck around as a friend since I wasn't necessarily devastated given I wasn't THAT into you.
We continued to talk to each other and become extremely good, almost best, friends. You inspired me with many creative writing ideas that honestly are mine at the core with you providing minor details like names or a few situations. Hell I even based a character off you. Luckily enough I've only written 288 words so that can be altered swiftly since she's still generic to a point.
You asked me once if I thought you'd changed since another friend of yours brought it up. I said I was unsure. Now I know. And you have. It's completely clear in how you dress/talk/act. When I met you, you'd color your hair or whatever but that was about it. You were simply fashionable. Now you act like you have to be all 'gramma-lookin' and hipsterish; you're completely sex crazed to the point of making a GIF of your breasts because you're proud of your body and wanted to show it (which I regrettably condoned since you're, by age only, an adult and I found you physically attractive and you knew this), and you smoke weed so much that you told me you didn't want me to refer you to any place that required a urine test. Which is funny because you talk about how weed isn't addictive almost as much as you say you want/need to get with your boyfriend and smoke it so you two can bang.
You also talk about this super feminine shit which is, without sounding misogynistic, idiotic and hypocritical coming from you. Constantly, and I've called you out on this, you'll post pictures of yourself to Tumblr with tags "natural" and "body mod" right next to each other because your 'feminist beliefs' make it so you don't have to shave your legs because you're natural yet you get so many piercings. I don't mind if you believe in both but don't be so hardcore for one and still do the other. That brings me to my next point.
The sensitive, bleeding-heart, anti-bullying shit.
When the infamous 'bottle girl' thing exploded on the scene you told everyone not to make fun of her or 'slut shame' her (even though you say ALL THE TIME that 'slut' shouldn't even be a word) because she may kill herself. Then rumors started and you began IMMEDIATELY with the 'I told you so' speech in a Facebook status. Then you got into an argument with my absolute best friend whom I almost literally consider a sister because I've known her so long and we've been through so much together. You don't realize it now but even though I decided ultimately not to take sides, I had a TREMENDOUS comment fully typed and ready to back her up and not you because you were being ridiculous and outlandish with your claims. In a later conversation you admitted that you started the fight, even though you spelled her name completely wrong which I forgave since you blocked each other so you couldn't look it up.
Final point to your hypocrisy. Still staying with the fact that you speak out so vehemently against 'cyber-bullying'. You constantly dress up to make yourself look like the Jersey Shore type with the orange skin and makeup and clothes before you take a pic of yourself and proceed to upload it to Facebook/Tumblr. Then when I call you out on it, in a nice way of course, you retort with "So? Call the cops." Oh. Cute.
By 'cute' I mean I dislike you more and more each day.
Last topic: your pathological need for attention. This is where all these other gripes stem from. Constantly you're looking for a response, always positive, and take no negative feedback well. You posted something I thought was cute and you asked if I thought it was funny. Honestly I didn't think it was supposed to be funny but you thought it was the most hilarious thing ever and got super bummed because it wasn't. Trust me. I know funny. I have it on good authority that I know funny. I played a crowd of 13 once and they loved my set.
Then there's all the sob stories. Look, I'm truly sorry you've been put through some of the things you've been through. Which is probably where your problems all stem from what with how your parents act. HOWEVER don't bitch about your life and your problems EXPECTING someone to verbally caress your hair and hold you and tell you it'll all work out. You just did this which is why I'm even talking about it, because it's mostly going to make me look like an insensitive piece of shit but honestly I don't care since this is free-speech/real-talk/airing of grievances time. You put a big list of shit your dad just did. Then no more than a half hour later put up another Tumblr post bitching about how none of your followers sent you a message or replied to the post and told us to all go screw ourselves. Now I can see why people I know told me you always did crazy things for attention but I didn't believe them or discounted their opinion as though they said it simply because they didn't like you.
You dropped out of beauty school and have no future plans because you have ambitions but thing you can't do anything. I know it's not for everyone but you really should think about going to school. If you're not then TRY TO FIND A DAMNED JOB! My best friend whom you got into the big argument with is not in school but has 3 jobs.
Now to end this with a few titles of Reel Big Fish songs (titles in all caps):
Anymore, I think you're a LOST CAUSE so here's some FAMOUS LAST WORDS.
PS I HATE YOU.
November 20, 2012
Total Attack of the Heart (and other updates)
So yeah, thought I'd put this on here just as a journal but on November 3rd I had a heart attack. F'reals. Apparently the stomach flu I had in the week prior to that Saturday weakened my immune system and allowed a heart virus to sneak in all undetected and ninja-like. Hospital for 4 days, now I gotta take it easy for the next couple months and be on heart meds. So that's a thing. It's funny how many people still don't know it happened because I only ever talked about it on Facebook so when I bring it up as a joke (it helps me deal with how real it was) they're like, "Hahahaha...WHAT?!!" So that's actually a tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny bit fun.
Also shout out to the people who came to visit me in the hospital. It was exactly who I expected (with certain reprieves given to those like the ever so lovely Miss Ferrari who are waaaay not even close to the Haute geographically). So kudos to Kristan Morris, Nick Moffett, Ryan Cottom and Grant Ighile. Then obviously there's family members and such but hey, that's totally expected.
Thinking about changing some titles on the blogs. I'm not here enough for it to matter but Big Mind in a Short Body just sounds weird to me now and 'There's No Map When Searching for Yourself' sounds like the title to a bad romance novel. (Think Brian from Family Guy's Faster Than The Speed of Love ). Wait...do you have to underline novels still or is it italics now? ...and it's a nonexistent novel...whatever.
Oh also I'm writing a novel. Started off for NaNoWriMo (50,000 words in the 30 days of November) but I fell behind quickly due to obvious circumstances so I'm just kind of going at my own pace. Might try to have it done before the school year is out in May. Which means I'll probably actually work on it in May when summer starts, go strong for a week, then fall into my usual habit of messing around, then go see Wolverine in July.
Snoogans.
Also shout out to the people who came to visit me in the hospital. It was exactly who I expected (with certain reprieves given to those like the ever so lovely Miss Ferrari who are waaaay not even close to the Haute geographically). So kudos to Kristan Morris, Nick Moffett, Ryan Cottom and Grant Ighile. Then obviously there's family members and such but hey, that's totally expected.
Thinking about changing some titles on the blogs. I'm not here enough for it to matter but Big Mind in a Short Body just sounds weird to me now and 'There's No Map When Searching for Yourself' sounds like the title to a bad romance novel. (Think Brian from Family Guy's Faster Than The Speed of Love ). Wait...do you have to underline novels still or is it italics now? ...and it's a nonexistent novel...whatever.
Oh also I'm writing a novel. Started off for NaNoWriMo (50,000 words in the 30 days of November) but I fell behind quickly due to obvious circumstances so I'm just kind of going at my own pace. Might try to have it done before the school year is out in May. Which means I'll probably actually work on it in May when summer starts, go strong for a week, then fall into my usual habit of messing around, then go see Wolverine in July.
Snoogans.
October 18, 2012
My Thoughts on Recent Stories of Bullying
For future reference this post was written at 12:30 AM on Oct. 18th, 2012.
A girl by the name of Amanda Todd has been in the news recently. It was reported that she exposed herself via webcam, someone got a hold of it, and put the pictures on Facebook and enacted other forms of social misconduct with them. This girl received so much hate for this action that she committed suicide.
There have been many suicides related to "bullying" in the past year or two now that we didn't see in recent years; even in the 2000's. How could a phenomenon like this have occurred in the most recent days of society? Let's examine what's going on right now. Social media is at its strongest point ever. One wrong move and your mistakes can be spread to anyone, anywhere, and at anytime.
I've seen people some would consider my 'generation' or 'contemporaries' act like they can do no wrong. They believe their every action is justified no matter how detrimental it may be to themselves or someone else. These people are the guys who wear polos with popped collars and sideways hats, girls who tan excessively and emulate the actions of Jersey Shore cast members such as Snooki and J-Wow, and people who are in the hip-hop society that make use of the god-awful slang term "swag" and wear shirts that say "obey." These people have no regard for proper spelling and gladly share their exploits. (Quite honestly it's hard NOT to see them as they are often times the loudest in both voice and color of clothing).
But here's the kicker. The generation that is the most hard-headed, self-entitled, bratty, rude, douchey, and holier-than-thou bunch is also (ironically) the most sensitive. Let that sink in a moment.
Most of the time they don't care and bounce of constructive criticisms with a "yolo" shield but when you really drive the nail down, you're hurting their feelings and then you are the one made out to be the villain because you're all of a sudden bullying or cyber-bullying depending on the form of media.
Quite the dichotomy isn't it? We've reached a point where kids/teens/young adults are either extremely stubborn and act like jackasses, or are SUPER sensitive to the point when they can't take one thing being said to them. Granted I was sensitive as a child and still am somewhat. If someone says the right thing to me it can tear me to the very core. But what did/do I do to cope? I spent time with friends, I played video games, I watched movies, I got my feelings down in words, and most of the time I either ignored them or used their ridicule as inspiration to make myself better to show them how great I really was. And quite frankly it worked.
But you'll never hear that on a PSA or internet ad campaign.
The bleeding heart crusaders are too focused on pointing the blame and fighting a 'war on bullying' much like Nancy Reagan and people in the 80's started a 'war on drugs'. The connection to these two aspects is fairly striking in that drugs are still around and aren't going away any time soon; much of the same can be said of bullying. Granted it is a noble cause, I don't like bullies and would love a world where nobody bullied anyone, however it's an extremely lofty goal that is quite frankly nigh impossible.
Bullying isn't going away. We've had all these campaigns and yet it remains and the kids still resort to self harm and suicide. The key here is teaching kids how to deal with bullying and I haven't seen NEARLY as much of that around as I have all the efforts to somehow stop people from being assholes. As long as you have kids that are acting out because of troubles at home, or are masking insecurities or are simply rich brats with a raging superiority complex; you're going to have bullies and bullying.
If by chance you're reading this and you're a kid/teen/anyone being bullied for whatever reason, know my sympathies are with you. If you're looking for coping mechanisms, refer to my above statements. Novelist/Vlogger John Green once talked about the key to a happy and successful life being doing what you love and surrounding yourself with people that you can "make cool stuff" with.
If you're a bully, then either get whatever help you may need OR simply quit being a little dickwad/twat and get your shit together. Taking it out on someone else isn't going to make you feel better in the long run. It's only going to remove one or more people from the list of those you could be doing good things with.
Also, giving criticism (however dickish it may come across) is NOT the same as bullying. A bully is a person/a group of people who HABITUALLY intimidates/belittles people. This can be through verbal or physical means. The term has been, in my view, diminished in value as people throw it out left and right at the first sign of someone hurting their feelings.
On the topic of LGBT bullying, be proud of yourself and what you are. It baffles me that there can still be so many affected by bullying when being part of the community you're in is more accepted in society now more than ever. Same going with people of all races and religions. I'm straight, white, and male and I'm proud of that fact because it's how I was born and it's who I am. There's no sexism, racism, or anti-gay sentiment behind that. I literally am proud of who I am, and you should be too.
One of the biggest issues I have with all of these stories and the situations of bullying in general (and my final point since this is long enough) is the issue of PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY!!!!!
I know the internet is mostly anonymous. However, you don't have to put EVERYTHING about yourself online. Mostly because somethings are better left in private and partially because there are some things that nobody cares about. Also, I don't mean the personal accountability to be just the youngens here. Parents, get your stuff together as well. I know it's thrown out there a lot and you all hate it but the parents need to ACTUALLY GET FRICKING INVOLVED! If you're too "busy" or you don't care enough to know when your child is on the brink of suicide, then you don't deserve to have them. Plain and simple. It's so easy to throw the hot potato of blame at everything else but at the end of the day you're just an awful parent. Same goes for absent parents and uncaring parents that LEAD to kids becoming bullies. Nobody's born a bully, there are factors in a child's development that lead to the behaviors/ the positive reinforcement of that behavior.
So be proud of yourself. Don't be a bully. Know the difference between pride and arrogance and don't be afraid of taking criticism and especially don't confuse it with bullying. If you're being bullied, talk to someone. There is ALWAYS someone positive to talk to especially your parents if possible because, if they're anything like mine, they will straight-up go to war for you. If your parents aren't around, talk to school counselors, teachers, religious officials, friends or whomever you find to be a respectable person you'd like to emulate that you fully trust and will bring you up. And if you are able to overcome bullying and be a better person as a result, pay it forward because one of the best ways to continue to be successful is by bringing others up with you. (Shout out to Philly DeFranco for that last statement). Ultimately, use hardship as a means to better yourself. You'll feel fantastic and it'll get rubbed in your bullies' faces so hard by karma it'll tickle you pink.
A girl by the name of Amanda Todd has been in the news recently. It was reported that she exposed herself via webcam, someone got a hold of it, and put the pictures on Facebook and enacted other forms of social misconduct with them. This girl received so much hate for this action that she committed suicide.
There have been many suicides related to "bullying" in the past year or two now that we didn't see in recent years; even in the 2000's. How could a phenomenon like this have occurred in the most recent days of society? Let's examine what's going on right now. Social media is at its strongest point ever. One wrong move and your mistakes can be spread to anyone, anywhere, and at anytime.
I've seen people some would consider my 'generation' or 'contemporaries' act like they can do no wrong. They believe their every action is justified no matter how detrimental it may be to themselves or someone else. These people are the guys who wear polos with popped collars and sideways hats, girls who tan excessively and emulate the actions of Jersey Shore cast members such as Snooki and J-Wow, and people who are in the hip-hop society that make use of the god-awful slang term "swag" and wear shirts that say "obey." These people have no regard for proper spelling and gladly share their exploits. (Quite honestly it's hard NOT to see them as they are often times the loudest in both voice and color of clothing).
But here's the kicker. The generation that is the most hard-headed, self-entitled, bratty, rude, douchey, and holier-than-thou bunch is also (ironically) the most sensitive. Let that sink in a moment.
Most of the time they don't care and bounce of constructive criticisms with a "yolo" shield but when you really drive the nail down, you're hurting their feelings and then you are the one made out to be the villain because you're all of a sudden bullying or cyber-bullying depending on the form of media.
Quite the dichotomy isn't it? We've reached a point where kids/teens/young adults are either extremely stubborn and act like jackasses, or are SUPER sensitive to the point when they can't take one thing being said to them. Granted I was sensitive as a child and still am somewhat. If someone says the right thing to me it can tear me to the very core. But what did/do I do to cope? I spent time with friends, I played video games, I watched movies, I got my feelings down in words, and most of the time I either ignored them or used their ridicule as inspiration to make myself better to show them how great I really was. And quite frankly it worked.
But you'll never hear that on a PSA or internet ad campaign.
The bleeding heart crusaders are too focused on pointing the blame and fighting a 'war on bullying' much like Nancy Reagan and people in the 80's started a 'war on drugs'. The connection to these two aspects is fairly striking in that drugs are still around and aren't going away any time soon; much of the same can be said of bullying. Granted it is a noble cause, I don't like bullies and would love a world where nobody bullied anyone, however it's an extremely lofty goal that is quite frankly nigh impossible.
Bullying isn't going away. We've had all these campaigns and yet it remains and the kids still resort to self harm and suicide. The key here is teaching kids how to deal with bullying and I haven't seen NEARLY as much of that around as I have all the efforts to somehow stop people from being assholes. As long as you have kids that are acting out because of troubles at home, or are masking insecurities or are simply rich brats with a raging superiority complex; you're going to have bullies and bullying.
If by chance you're reading this and you're a kid/teen/anyone being bullied for whatever reason, know my sympathies are with you. If you're looking for coping mechanisms, refer to my above statements. Novelist/Vlogger John Green once talked about the key to a happy and successful life being doing what you love and surrounding yourself with people that you can "make cool stuff" with.
If you're a bully, then either get whatever help you may need OR simply quit being a little dickwad/twat and get your shit together. Taking it out on someone else isn't going to make you feel better in the long run. It's only going to remove one or more people from the list of those you could be doing good things with.
Also, giving criticism (however dickish it may come across) is NOT the same as bullying. A bully is a person/a group of people who HABITUALLY intimidates/belittles people. This can be through verbal or physical means. The term has been, in my view, diminished in value as people throw it out left and right at the first sign of someone hurting their feelings.
On the topic of LGBT bullying, be proud of yourself and what you are. It baffles me that there can still be so many affected by bullying when being part of the community you're in is more accepted in society now more than ever. Same going with people of all races and religions. I'm straight, white, and male and I'm proud of that fact because it's how I was born and it's who I am. There's no sexism, racism, or anti-gay sentiment behind that. I literally am proud of who I am, and you should be too.
One of the biggest issues I have with all of these stories and the situations of bullying in general (and my final point since this is long enough) is the issue of PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY!!!!!
I know the internet is mostly anonymous. However, you don't have to put EVERYTHING about yourself online. Mostly because somethings are better left in private and partially because there are some things that nobody cares about. Also, I don't mean the personal accountability to be just the youngens here. Parents, get your stuff together as well. I know it's thrown out there a lot and you all hate it but the parents need to ACTUALLY GET FRICKING INVOLVED! If you're too "busy" or you don't care enough to know when your child is on the brink of suicide, then you don't deserve to have them. Plain and simple. It's so easy to throw the hot potato of blame at everything else but at the end of the day you're just an awful parent. Same goes for absent parents and uncaring parents that LEAD to kids becoming bullies. Nobody's born a bully, there are factors in a child's development that lead to the behaviors/ the positive reinforcement of that behavior.
So be proud of yourself. Don't be a bully. Know the difference between pride and arrogance and don't be afraid of taking criticism and especially don't confuse it with bullying. If you're being bullied, talk to someone. There is ALWAYS someone positive to talk to especially your parents if possible because, if they're anything like mine, they will straight-up go to war for you. If your parents aren't around, talk to school counselors, teachers, religious officials, friends or whomever you find to be a respectable person you'd like to emulate that you fully trust and will bring you up. And if you are able to overcome bullying and be a better person as a result, pay it forward because one of the best ways to continue to be successful is by bringing others up with you. (Shout out to Philly DeFranco for that last statement). Ultimately, use hardship as a means to better yourself. You'll feel fantastic and it'll get rubbed in your bullies' faces so hard by karma it'll tickle you pink.
May 10, 2012
Angry over things in the past. Figured I'd write it down.
I'm so damn glad to be in college and away from the people I graduated with. The jazz dinner is coming up this friday and I started thinking about my time in the jazz band.
I loved jazz band. It was my passion and remains so to this day. As a matter of fact, if it weren't for jazz band, I wouldn't be in band whatsoever; especially now. But this isn't completely about jazz band. It's about the people in the band program. Specifically the people in my graduating class.
Those that were older than I treated me like a little brother but still listened to me and treated me all right. Those that are younger than I listen to me, respect me and treat me like an older brother or cousin. However the people who've always acted like they were better than I was were the people in the band program with me that also graduated in June of 2011.
Not all of them. There were the few exceptions like Cody Pratt (although he had his moments but on the whole I could always count on him as a true friend whenever I needed him). I'm talking about people like Richard Hanson and Molly Klopfstein. Sure they're pretty nice to me now, and they were kind of nice to me then. Ultimately though, no respect was given. Ever.
One specific time is called to mind. The night of the talent show known throughout the school as the South Revue was here and we were warming up for our Jazz Band performance in the band room. Our drummer was in his own rock band and was currently performing and we didn't have a drummer. I am a trombone player, as many of you know, but also play percussion. Not only the PIT instruments but also a mild amount drumset in my senior year. While I wasn't a phenom, I was okay for a warm up and knew the drum pattern for the chart we were playing called "Sing, Sing, Sing." It's a jazz standard and not that hard to figure out so I volunteered. Let's just say it didn't get a good response.
Molly blurts out the snobbish expression of, "Well you better ask Keiser." Yes, Andrew Keiser. Piano and trumpet player who was also the drum major in the marching season. A good guy in his own right, if a little bit full of himself at times. Still, even he respected me and knew what I was capable of as a musician. However, he is a year younger than I. As this was clearly jazz band, I felt as though I needed to go through no authority figure save for the jazz teacher (Eric Schatz) and the band director (Mr. Tim Murphy). Plus, like I said, it was just warm up.
What I should have done was just talk to Murph and vent. After all he knew about all the suck ups and their shenanigans. My good friend Pratt even gave a name to them as he was part of the club (although not quite a large suck-up himself). However what I did was just flat out say how I felt to them in how I shouldn't have to go through Keiser just to play drumset. My minor outburst of anger fell upon deaf ears save for Andrew, who proceeded to ask if I wanted to play drumset when Molly asked him what we should do. A few moments later, Murph appears with drumsticks and volunteers to play the part. Of course Molly has to chime in with a rather giddy, "Yay Murphy!"
Congratulations! Keep up the brown nosing and you might get a standing ovation when you win the John Philip Sousa award at the end of the year. Oh wait. You did. I won two awards. The Patrick Gilmore Concert Band Award and the obvious Louis Armstrong Jazz Award. Did I get a standing O? No. Just a pat on the back and a congrats from parents and friends outside the auditorium when the awards night had concluded. This is just one of the times when I was grossly disrespected by one or more of my contemporaries. Don't even get me started on Marching Band and Indoor Drumline. Let's just say I like those activities but I almost handed in my music and quit. By the end of the year I had seriously had enough. I don't know why all of these frustrations and emotions that never got expressed manifested themselves now.
All of these occurrences took place almost exactly or well over one year ago. I guess since I never really talked about how hurt I was by all the disrespect I got from the people I had once considered friends it just stayed in the back of my mind to manifest itself into a mild grudge that eeked its ugly head with a certain trigger memory. The mind is a funny thing like that I suppose. Oh well. Not like it's a problem any more. A lot of us went to different schools. The only people I would miss from my graduating class ended up going to ISU with me, save for a handful of others here and there. My new friends/people I never hung around in highschool but am now friends with in college are much better anyway. Mostly because a lot of them aren't in band and don't worry about all that hierarchy tier bullshit. Because that's what that all is.
Which is why I'm glad I wasn't a section leader because they wouldn't have treated me any differently whatsoever. As a matter of fact I probably would've quit if I were section leader because they wouldn't listen to me and the stress would've been quite a lot. However, like I said earlier, that's all in the past. I have a new group of friends with a few carried over friends sprinkled in and that's all I need. These people are fantastic and I'm blessed every day to be able to know them. I don't mean to quote Daniel Tosh here but for that, I thank you.
Rant over. Snooch to the Nooch. And go see Avengers, because it was effing AWESOME!
I loved jazz band. It was my passion and remains so to this day. As a matter of fact, if it weren't for jazz band, I wouldn't be in band whatsoever; especially now. But this isn't completely about jazz band. It's about the people in the band program. Specifically the people in my graduating class.
Those that were older than I treated me like a little brother but still listened to me and treated me all right. Those that are younger than I listen to me, respect me and treat me like an older brother or cousin. However the people who've always acted like they were better than I was were the people in the band program with me that also graduated in June of 2011.
Not all of them. There were the few exceptions like Cody Pratt (although he had his moments but on the whole I could always count on him as a true friend whenever I needed him). I'm talking about people like Richard Hanson and Molly Klopfstein. Sure they're pretty nice to me now, and they were kind of nice to me then. Ultimately though, no respect was given. Ever.
One specific time is called to mind. The night of the talent show known throughout the school as the South Revue was here and we were warming up for our Jazz Band performance in the band room. Our drummer was in his own rock band and was currently performing and we didn't have a drummer. I am a trombone player, as many of you know, but also play percussion. Not only the PIT instruments but also a mild amount drumset in my senior year. While I wasn't a phenom, I was okay for a warm up and knew the drum pattern for the chart we were playing called "Sing, Sing, Sing." It's a jazz standard and not that hard to figure out so I volunteered. Let's just say it didn't get a good response.
Molly blurts out the snobbish expression of, "Well you better ask Keiser." Yes, Andrew Keiser. Piano and trumpet player who was also the drum major in the marching season. A good guy in his own right, if a little bit full of himself at times. Still, even he respected me and knew what I was capable of as a musician. However, he is a year younger than I. As this was clearly jazz band, I felt as though I needed to go through no authority figure save for the jazz teacher (Eric Schatz) and the band director (Mr. Tim Murphy). Plus, like I said, it was just warm up.
What I should have done was just talk to Murph and vent. After all he knew about all the suck ups and their shenanigans. My good friend Pratt even gave a name to them as he was part of the club (although not quite a large suck-up himself). However what I did was just flat out say how I felt to them in how I shouldn't have to go through Keiser just to play drumset. My minor outburst of anger fell upon deaf ears save for Andrew, who proceeded to ask if I wanted to play drumset when Molly asked him what we should do. A few moments later, Murph appears with drumsticks and volunteers to play the part. Of course Molly has to chime in with a rather giddy, "Yay Murphy!"
Congratulations! Keep up the brown nosing and you might get a standing ovation when you win the John Philip Sousa award at the end of the year. Oh wait. You did. I won two awards. The Patrick Gilmore Concert Band Award and the obvious Louis Armstrong Jazz Award. Did I get a standing O? No. Just a pat on the back and a congrats from parents and friends outside the auditorium when the awards night had concluded. This is just one of the times when I was grossly disrespected by one or more of my contemporaries. Don't even get me started on Marching Band and Indoor Drumline. Let's just say I like those activities but I almost handed in my music and quit. By the end of the year I had seriously had enough. I don't know why all of these frustrations and emotions that never got expressed manifested themselves now.
All of these occurrences took place almost exactly or well over one year ago. I guess since I never really talked about how hurt I was by all the disrespect I got from the people I had once considered friends it just stayed in the back of my mind to manifest itself into a mild grudge that eeked its ugly head with a certain trigger memory. The mind is a funny thing like that I suppose. Oh well. Not like it's a problem any more. A lot of us went to different schools. The only people I would miss from my graduating class ended up going to ISU with me, save for a handful of others here and there. My new friends/people I never hung around in highschool but am now friends with in college are much better anyway. Mostly because a lot of them aren't in band and don't worry about all that hierarchy tier bullshit. Because that's what that all is.
Which is why I'm glad I wasn't a section leader because they wouldn't have treated me any differently whatsoever. As a matter of fact I probably would've quit if I were section leader because they wouldn't listen to me and the stress would've been quite a lot. However, like I said earlier, that's all in the past. I have a new group of friends with a few carried over friends sprinkled in and that's all I need. These people are fantastic and I'm blessed every day to be able to know them. I don't mean to quote Daniel Tosh here but for that, I thank you.
Rant over. Snooch to the Nooch. And go see Avengers, because it was effing AWESOME!
April 28, 2012
Oh hey...week 15 already.
Yeah so if I read this blog in about 10 to 15 years I'm pretty sure I'll be under the belief that I was comatose for 5 weeks. Anyways let's get to now.
It is the last week of regular classes and I'm currently pretending to write notes in my Envi Sci class at the moment. I honestly couldn't care any less right now. I don't really know what to write I just wanted to kind of wrap up the semester.
Also the new window for typing blogs is really big now, holy shit.
Well good buddy, you made it to the end of your Freshman year of college. What have you learned?
1. The Venue is actually kind of rad and performing is fun even if there are only 13 people in the audience.
2. Alarm clocks are bitches.
3. You make really good decisions when it comes to major purchases. (New TV stand, 3DS, etc. )
4. Your extended family actually really kind of sucks. Both sides. Although there are some redeeming qualities and family members.
5. College is awesome in the regards that you can take classes over Twilight Zone and Harry Potter.
6. College sucks in that you have to do all the usual shit that you already did in high school because of Gen Ed requirements.
7. There are as many good teachers as really crappy ones.
8. Taking Japanese 101 was kind of a mistake but really wasn't that bad in retrospect. (spanish is still better)
9. Citing your love of having money is the best excuse for being single when your family asks you why you have no girlfriend at EVERY SINGLE FAMILY GATHERING.
10. You've got some pretty awesome friends that are also easy to get fed up with/tired of after a while and can potentially get REALLY annoying.
11. Yoga pants are one of the few things that everyone can enjoy.
12. Group projects still infinitely suck giant balls.
13. You should seriously write a book/draft a sitcom based around your family. Don't worry about narcissism when making yourself the main character.
14. You really are a narcissist. Embrace it, since Josh is never going to stop the humorous ridicule.
15. Don't be afraid to relax, and take chances. It'l turn out eventually.
Next week is finals week. You're ready.
Happy Summer and DFTBA.
Or in other words: Snooch to the nooch.
March 25, 2012
Week 10
Ok so This is super late (these are usually written on Tuesdays so we've almost had 2 weeks.
Essentially:
Stuff happened that was ok. Nothing too severe.
Lost my sunglasses. Like, super awesome Aviator sunglasses. Left em on the couch in Holmstedt and some mother effer swiped them in the half hour I was gone before realizing it and going back.
Um...what else?
Played my only combo gig for the year. It was aiight.
Went to drumline. I pretty much despise everyone at south now (at least the parents and staff) and I'm glad Josh is now finished teaching there. They're seriously almost as bad as those Kmart dicks. And it sucks because they're about on par with the high school kids and do all this devious shit and either don't realize it or think it's funny. I guess high school really DOES never end.
So that was a thing.
Bleh. Just ready for summer to start. One month to go!
Essentially:
Stuff happened that was ok. Nothing too severe.
Lost my sunglasses. Like, super awesome Aviator sunglasses. Left em on the couch in Holmstedt and some mother effer swiped them in the half hour I was gone before realizing it and going back.
Um...what else?
Played my only combo gig for the year. It was aiight.
Went to drumline. I pretty much despise everyone at south now (at least the parents and staff) and I'm glad Josh is now finished teaching there. They're seriously almost as bad as those Kmart dicks. And it sucks because they're about on par with the high school kids and do all this devious shit and either don't realize it or think it's funny. I guess high school really DOES never end.
So that was a thing.
Bleh. Just ready for summer to start. One month to go!
March 14, 2012
Spring Break/ Week 9
Ok so I didn't do anything for week 8 as nothing really happened. Oh besides my Japanese101 teacher allowing us to vote for when we wanted the midterm only to make it after break anyway. (We voted for before).
Spring Break was nice. Watched all the Potter movies again, I beat Zelda: Skyward Sword and had my first Open Mic Night. I gotta say it was very interesting to say the least. I performed well and there weren't that many people in attendance so I didn't have to worry about a large crowd. Hung out with Cami for a bit (I was her ride there) and reluctantly had to ask her to find her own ride home to pick up Josh from drumline. Ugh...that THS Band program is still screwing me over. The open mic being on thursday meant that it was exactly the same time as drumline practice. Then it was over.
WEEK NINE!!
Monday was ok. Took the midterm for Jap101 and probly did OK at best. About as much as I care about that class at this point. Going back to Spanish next year.
Today. Tuesday. OH MY EFFING GOURDLECANAL!!! (A canal made of a gourd for those that don't know).
Forgot to get the housekey from my brother, couldn't get in my house, went to campus, had to park in BFE, turned off the car before putting it in park and had to make sure it was OK, went all over campus trying to find him with no luck, picked up my mom 5 minutes late as a result, went to MickeyD's, turned like I was going home even though we were going to eat at gramma's, almost got out of the car without turning it off, then I finally was able to get a shower and sleep. I was raging up past the nap time.
Now it's 2AM and I SHOULD be sleeping but I can't because it's so fricking hot in this house. Bleggle-leggle-leggle. Imma just pass out whenever it happens. See you in a week personal diary blog only 2 people know about.
Snooch to the Nooch
Spring Break was nice. Watched all the Potter movies again, I beat Zelda: Skyward Sword and had my first Open Mic Night. I gotta say it was very interesting to say the least. I performed well and there weren't that many people in attendance so I didn't have to worry about a large crowd. Hung out with Cami for a bit (I was her ride there) and reluctantly had to ask her to find her own ride home to pick up Josh from drumline. Ugh...that THS Band program is still screwing me over. The open mic being on thursday meant that it was exactly the same time as drumline practice. Then it was over.
WEEK NINE!!
Monday was ok. Took the midterm for Jap101 and probly did OK at best. About as much as I care about that class at this point. Going back to Spanish next year.
Today. Tuesday. OH MY EFFING GOURDLECANAL!!! (A canal made of a gourd for those that don't know).
Forgot to get the housekey from my brother, couldn't get in my house, went to campus, had to park in BFE, turned off the car before putting it in park and had to make sure it was OK, went all over campus trying to find him with no luck, picked up my mom 5 minutes late as a result, went to MickeyD's, turned like I was going home even though we were going to eat at gramma's, almost got out of the car without turning it off, then I finally was able to get a shower and sleep. I was raging up past the nap time.
Now it's 2AM and I SHOULD be sleeping but I can't because it's so fricking hot in this house. Bleggle-leggle-leggle. Imma just pass out whenever it happens. See you in a week personal diary blog only 2 people know about.
Snooch to the Nooch
February 21, 2012
Week 7
So I was going to clean my room, then my dad TOLD me to clean my room. Now I don't wanna clean my room. Funny how that all...works out. Anyways not too bad so far. Only been 5 days since the last post with no real change to report. Finally no longer sick, which is nice. The coughing was seriously a real drag since I couldn't laugh at anything. I helped Cami with a paper she was writing and found her some good articles to use, which made me feel helpful.
Uh...so yeah. That's a thing. Still no game in the mail. Frickin Amazon/Fed Ex taking forever. Watch me not get it 'til Thursday. -__-
Well that about sums it up.
laters.
(PS. Never mind. It came in the mail today! AWWW YEEEAAHHH!)
Uh...so yeah. That's a thing. Still no game in the mail. Frickin Amazon/Fed Ex taking forever. Watch me not get it 'til Thursday. -__-
Well that about sums it up.
laters.
(PS. Never mind. It came in the mail today! AWWW YEEEAAHHH!)
February 16, 2012
Spring Semester Week 6
OK! So I know this is late (it really doesn't matter but still. I was aiming for Tuesdays and I totally forgot.) ANYWAYS!!!
Did some make up work. Beat Kingdom Hearts 1. Ordered Kingdom Hearts Re:Chain of Memories from Amazon. Um...I went to an International Cuisine thing. That was...fun. This week's just kind of been nothing special. I guess that's why it went so fast.
...
OH! I saw with Marcus, his girlfriend (who looks a lot like Bethany...he admitted it so I don't feel as weird noticing that) and their friends at the "nerd table." This girl came up and asked us if any of us know about computers and could help her and I just LOST IT! I nearly peed myself laughing. I kinda felt bad for the girl but hey, you profile like that you kinda deserve the response. It was almost as though it were scripted in a sitcom.
Well that's about it. Kthanksbye.
Nooch.
Did some make up work. Beat Kingdom Hearts 1. Ordered Kingdom Hearts Re:Chain of Memories from Amazon. Um...I went to an International Cuisine thing. That was...fun. This week's just kind of been nothing special. I guess that's why it went so fast.
...
OH! I saw with Marcus, his girlfriend (who looks a lot like Bethany...he admitted it so I don't feel as weird noticing that) and their friends at the "nerd table." This girl came up and asked us if any of us know about computers and could help her and I just LOST IT! I nearly peed myself laughing. I kinda felt bad for the girl but hey, you profile like that you kinda deserve the response. It was almost as though it were scripted in a sitcom.
Well that's about it. Kthanksbye.
Nooch.
February 8, 2012
Spring Semester Week 5
Oh uhhh...hi. I'm like...sick and stuff so nothing's really happened...
stayed with my gramma last week and had fun. We drank Java Chips and made fun of Twilight together (and she LIKES those movies. I swear being cool skips a generation or at least is diminished and then grows again).
I signed up for my first ever open mic only to have it stripped away from me be illness. Thanks Universe. and by thanks I mean eff yo couch biatch.
oh and for the friend I've fallen for. It's Autumn. Just in case I'm reading this like 20 years in the future and I've forgotten/didn't end up getting married to her or some shit.
K thanks.
Nooch.
stayed with my gramma last week and had fun. We drank Java Chips and made fun of Twilight together (and she LIKES those movies. I swear being cool skips a generation or at least is diminished and then grows again).
I signed up for my first ever open mic only to have it stripped away from me be illness. Thanks Universe. and by thanks I mean eff yo couch biatch.
oh and for the friend I've fallen for. It's Autumn. Just in case I'm reading this like 20 years in the future and I've forgotten/didn't end up getting married to her or some shit.
K thanks.
Nooch.
February 1, 2012
Spring Semester 2012 Week 4
My grandma is freaking out because someone put a noose with a death threat on my grandpa's car and I'm on the verge of not being able to keep up the fading facade that I only like Autumn as an extremely close friend. Yep. It's that week.
Tuesday (the day after the previous post) the 'retns and I went to the grandparents' house where my mom saw what she thought were wires sticking out of the base of the antennae. My dad went to check it out and it ended up being a wire in the shape of a noose with a note attached reading "gonna die" on it. Naturally, this had my grandma in hysterics. Our first thought went to my cousin Trella, whom my mother had gotten into an argument with via Facebook a few days prior due to her being in mid-30's and wanting to have her tubes tied to have a kid with her new husband who happened to be black. My mother, being one of those "overbearing aunt" types, made a comment saying that my cousin didn't need another kid (jokingly) which my cousin took seriously and then there was a big to do that ended with her husband saying my parents were bitter old racists and that they were going to die and that he hoped my dad would get...violated at the prison in which he is a guard.
This lead us to believe that my cousin had maybe talked to a friend who took it upon him/herself to do something to scare my grandma who also told Trella that she felt the same way. (Although my grandma was nice about it). Well my cousin wasn't behind it but DID make it a point to tell my grandma that it sounded like a gang initiation thing and that newbies in certain gangs would have to threaten and subsequently kill people to get in. This, as you can guess, did not help my grandmother in the slightest. So currently my parents are over at her house spending the night with her, my grandpa, and Sandy (my handicapped aunt who lives with my grandparents). So yeah...that's a thing. I also would like it stated in writing that I cannot be held responsible for anything I do should I find out and then find who did such an act to my family and also to the new residents who live around the corner from them who received an identical threat a few days prior and are now scared to live in their new home.
Now we move on to my own personal mess. ...On second thought how bout I just do a Part 2. It's 1 am and I wanna watch the rest of Caddyshack.
Tuesday (the day after the previous post) the 'retns and I went to the grandparents' house where my mom saw what she thought were wires sticking out of the base of the antennae. My dad went to check it out and it ended up being a wire in the shape of a noose with a note attached reading "gonna die" on it. Naturally, this had my grandma in hysterics. Our first thought went to my cousin Trella, whom my mother had gotten into an argument with via Facebook a few days prior due to her being in mid-30's and wanting to have her tubes tied to have a kid with her new husband who happened to be black. My mother, being one of those "overbearing aunt" types, made a comment saying that my cousin didn't need another kid (jokingly) which my cousin took seriously and then there was a big to do that ended with her husband saying my parents were bitter old racists and that they were going to die and that he hoped my dad would get...violated at the prison in which he is a guard.
This lead us to believe that my cousin had maybe talked to a friend who took it upon him/herself to do something to scare my grandma who also told Trella that she felt the same way. (Although my grandma was nice about it). Well my cousin wasn't behind it but DID make it a point to tell my grandma that it sounded like a gang initiation thing and that newbies in certain gangs would have to threaten and subsequently kill people to get in. This, as you can guess, did not help my grandmother in the slightest. So currently my parents are over at her house spending the night with her, my grandpa, and Sandy (my handicapped aunt who lives with my grandparents). So yeah...that's a thing. I also would like it stated in writing that I cannot be held responsible for anything I do should I find out and then find who did such an act to my family and also to the new residents who live around the corner from them who received an identical threat a few days prior and are now scared to live in their new home.
Now we move on to my own personal mess. ...On second thought how bout I just do a Part 2. It's 1 am and I wanna watch the rest of Caddyshack.
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