Okay so first of all, I get really mad over stuff that doesn't matter. Like, I got a text message on my phone and my mom read it to tell me what the message said instead of just telling me I had a message. This angered me even though I know my mom was just trying to help but it was still a principle thing. Oh well. I got the reason why and forgave her and even apologized for getting mad.
I had the second of two planned meet-ups tonight. This time at a locally owned coffee shop and with a slightly newer friend by the name of Raven. Raven brought a friend with her and, while I was a bit down on the prospect at first as I halfway thought I might try mackin on Raven, I found her to be quite pleasant. We also both had something in common in that we both used to work for Kmart so we definitely had some stories to share.
The conversation with Raven was obviously much different than it was with Kara. Kara's night was focused partially on catching up and also just our friendship's procedure (meet up, go somewhere, shenanigans, she acts whimsically and I play the role of the damp blanket). The conversation with Raven was very...sexually charged. Granted it wasn't uncomfortable or even flirty. It was actually relieving in the way that I could talk to someone about stuff that would normally be awkward but was also guilt free. Mostly because I knew she was cool with stuff and wouldn't judge me negatively at all.
She talked about how she hated relationships, and I talked about my ironic dislike despite my continued pursuit of them. Some jokes and quips we made by the two of us with Tanni joining in some of the conversation also.
Essentially I sealed my opinion of Raven in the fact that she's very nice and I find her attractive. Would I want to be in a relationship with her? Probably not. Granted, she wouldn't want to date me either. That was made apparent when she expressed her affinity for really tall guys ( a trait that I obviously do not possess). However, if I can play my cards right I could TOTALLY see myself getting to at least second base. Which is something I suppose.
Also, I felt it much, much easier to hold a conversation with both ladies. Thus adding a little more merit to this whole "new me" thing. Either that, or I just felt more comfortable in silence around Kara and was, admittedly, trying to talk my tongue onto a path directly headed toward Raven's mouth.
Wow...I actually feel kind of piggish saying that. Mostly because it's kind of out of my character to actually want to pursue something physical with a lady as opposed to simply longing to have a special lady-friend and a relationship. Meh. It probably won't happen anyway. I can pretty much call these kinds of things. Mostly because I make self-fulfilling prophecies about my own romantic failure.
But hey, crazier things have happened to me. Maybe I can make this work.
Now more than ever,
SNOOCH TO THE MOTHER EFFIN NOOOOOOOOOCH!
March 14, 2013
March 13, 2013
Some Thoughts Even I'm Not Sure Of.
First, I know it should be 'some thoughts of which even I am not sure' but I'm protesting my Grammar class.
Secondly, good to see Blogger may as well just be Google+ Documents now because it looks exactly like that, so thanks Google. Have fun owning the world because variety totally isn't cool at all. No, let's let one corporation get into all of our business and know damn near everything about us. You've gone from a search engine, to moving basically the whole earth. Jeeves never had that much balls so kudos.
So here's the deal, man. I hung out with an old friend tonight and that term fits because I definitely felt like my old self. Essentially we had not spent time together in so long, I can't even remember off-hand the approximate date of our last meeting. That said, I thought it was time for us to spend a bit of time together. What better place than Starbucks?
Well, first of all, it was my first time at Starbucks without a computer since I first entered the establishment so it definitely felt odd. However I found it nice that we could talk and discuss our lives and what's going on but for some reason I just...couldn't. I honestly felt like I had nothing to talk about. It was like we had just seen each other yesterday, but not in the good way that garners familiarity. It was in the sense that I felt as though I had nothing profound to say. Actually I felt like I didn't really have anything to say at all. Admittedly, this also was partially due to the fact that I just had fun watching her fiddle with her cup as she drank the last of her coffee and tore the little cardboard ring off and separated the logo from the rest. Her facial expressions as she talked were also nice to see. I don't mean to get all poetic or whatever but it was just like...dang. What I'm trying to say is she looked reeeeaaallly good. Both the adorable and playful attitude I knew her to have mixed with a well-dressed fashion and flat out beauty.
Also I didn't really make a good impression of who I want 'me' to be, since my parking was kind of shitty and she got the idea that I was a horrible driver from that one sight. Which sucked considering I'm actually a pretty good driver and usually have no trouble at all with a simple parking spot.
Anyway, we went to Wal-Mart afterward because she wanted to commit some shenanigans and not just sit down, which was understandable given we both commonly sit at our computers quite often. (Hell, I'm doing it right now). On the way, I didn't speak. In the car I don't talk unless I have a conversation. It's out of a habit, really. I'm conditioned to have headphones plugged into my ears if I'm in the passenger seat (she insisted on driving given my previously mentioned lack of parking prowess). However, she still asked if I was okay. Apparently I had this perturbed look on my face. I admitted that I was a bit nervous about leaving my car in the Starbucks parking lot but other than that I was perfectly fine. I was just quiet. I could understand why she found this odd, normally I can't seem to shut up when I'm around people because I'm either making them laugh or simply dominating the conversation by talking about some problem I'm having or the latest superhero movie or some shit of the sort.
I didn't really talk at Wal-Mart either. I asked her to hang out under the impression that we'd have fun, and here I was being almost completely silent. If you saw me, you'd probably have sworn that I was there against my will. I really wanted to have a good time but I think I realized I was just kind of chasing something that wasn't there anymore. A high school crush, a friendship from when I was more energetic and willing to chase a hyper girl around a store, or just something more than nothing at all. So then there was the looking around at craft supplies, and a quick stop in the toy aisle so she could look for bath crayons and our smelling/her choosing of candles we were on our way. On the way back something came up. Like, it escalated kind of quickly. The topic of social media came around and I mentioned how I used to like Twitter's lack of my relatives seeing my posts until my cousin 'followed' me. Then she mentioned an incident that happened a good couple of years ago in which we were at one of her soccer games and my cousin (different cousin than the one that followed me) called her dad by his first name because he was raised in a country family and they all consider each other friends and don't concern themselves with formalities. She mentioned how her dad still remembers that and dislikes my cousin for it. I told her that her dad could pull the stick out of his ass. Naturally, she took offense to it and fired back with a remark stating my cousin lacked manners. I quieted myself again as she put on some music.
We arrived back at Starbucks and I was about to get out after an awkward hug due to the confined space of the car. I closed the door and unlocked my car and proceeded to open her door and apologize and explain while her parents were always nice to me, I had to defend my cousin because he is, in reality, quite well-mannered. I wasn't about to bring up the fact that her dad needed to let it go as it happened over 2 years ago and that her parents aren't the ABSOLUTE best people. Granted, they've always been super welcoming and warm to me but they've offended other parents (her mother specifically) in our high school marching band organizations to the point of quitting and have had a kind of stuck-uppy attitude in the past about certain topics. Now you know my conflict. However, I absolutely refuse attacks against my cousin's character and manners, especially over an extremely light incident that happened when he was a kid. I know it's only a couple years but anyone who's been among teens knows the vast developmental and character differences between 14 and 16 year-olds.
I guess I'm just not that guy anymore. I can joke around sure but I don't run around Wal-Mart or the mall. I prefer to sit in a coffee shop talking about life, or bowling. Ugh. I guess that heart virus really did turn me into an old man. Maybe it's a side effect of the medicine I'm still on. Hopefully it'll go away when I get the clearance to cease taking them after my next visit to the doctor.
That got me thinking. What kind of guy am I? I've been thinking about this a lot lately. What kind of person do I want to be? I know I want to be a writer, comedian, friend, brother, son but most of those are in relation to other people; which most would argue builds identity given that who we are is often defined by our actions and how others perceive us. The main problem I have is that I still don't quite know who I am in relation to myself. I've never really examined who I am in the sense of me. I've always tried to emulate people or even fictional characters. It's fitting that my 3 comic book character shirts that are simply emblems or replicas of that characters costume are Superman, Spider-Man, and The Joker. All three have qualities that build what I want to be and also have qualities of who I believe I am. I wish to be Superman and help anyone I can and be strong and nearly invulnerable; however I'm plagued by the fact that I'm also afraid of hurting someone every time I try to do something or interact with someone. Spider-Man fits me in that I put on a mask to hide my true insecurities about my identity and play off my fears with humorous quips and one-liners. The Joker is the darkest side of me. The side in which the jokes never stop but may cross the line and be absolutely remorseless in whom I may hurt or offend. People may think I'm insane or that nothing bothers me because I'm too busy laughing, although I'm troubled on the inside. I suppose the same would be true if I had a Deadpool shirt as he's a similar character. The only difference is that he is less villainous and more of a free agent who is prone to having whimsy and money decide where his loyalties lie. These kinds of qualities are why I connect with these characters so deeply. It's not that I want to actually put on a cape and fly around, I just want to be there for those I care about and be able to show my true worth and colors through my actions.
I don't know guys, I guess I've just got some soul searching to do. Now's not a bad time to do it, since I have about five days left of Spring Break if weekends count. Maybe I should just distance myself from social media and stuff for a while. Just kind of fade away for a bit. Granted nobody talks to me anyway. At least nobody that couldn't otherwise text me. I seriously just kind of open Facebook and do other stuff in case someone wants to talk to me, but no one ever does. Everyone has their own stuff I guess. I do have one or two, but as I already said, they could text me. No one ever sends me messages on Tumblr either. Twitter's not that bad. Basically I just need away from social media.
Tomorrow I'll see if the whole 'new me' thing holds any water. I'm hanging out with a different girl at a different coffee shop. This girl, I met just last year and only ever talked to in person at the local music venue open mic nights. Ergo, the only version of me she knows is the current me. Let's not get it wrong, I've always been the same person for the most part, I think I've just inflated some parts of my personality and downplayed others. Mostly in the realms of quietude and thoughtfulness versus obnoxious animation and humor.
Well, dear reader, thanks for perusing this post. Comment if you feel that you must. I'll definitely read it. I'll probably respond too. I generally do. After all, there are usually only about 2 or 3 people that even read these. Thanks again, by the way, you ladies seriously are the best for listening and responding like you do. I think it's high time I added to the number of confidantes. Anyways, I've rambled enough for one night. Thanks and I'll be with you next post.
Nooch.
Secondly, good to see Blogger may as well just be Google+ Documents now because it looks exactly like that, so thanks Google. Have fun owning the world because variety totally isn't cool at all. No, let's let one corporation get into all of our business and know damn near everything about us. You've gone from a search engine, to moving basically the whole earth. Jeeves never had that much balls so kudos.
So here's the deal, man. I hung out with an old friend tonight and that term fits because I definitely felt like my old self. Essentially we had not spent time together in so long, I can't even remember off-hand the approximate date of our last meeting. That said, I thought it was time for us to spend a bit of time together. What better place than Starbucks?
Well, first of all, it was my first time at Starbucks without a computer since I first entered the establishment so it definitely felt odd. However I found it nice that we could talk and discuss our lives and what's going on but for some reason I just...couldn't. I honestly felt like I had nothing to talk about. It was like we had just seen each other yesterday, but not in the good way that garners familiarity. It was in the sense that I felt as though I had nothing profound to say. Actually I felt like I didn't really have anything to say at all. Admittedly, this also was partially due to the fact that I just had fun watching her fiddle with her cup as she drank the last of her coffee and tore the little cardboard ring off and separated the logo from the rest. Her facial expressions as she talked were also nice to see. I don't mean to get all poetic or whatever but it was just like...dang. What I'm trying to say is she looked reeeeaaallly good. Both the adorable and playful attitude I knew her to have mixed with a well-dressed fashion and flat out beauty.
Also I didn't really make a good impression of who I want 'me' to be, since my parking was kind of shitty and she got the idea that I was a horrible driver from that one sight. Which sucked considering I'm actually a pretty good driver and usually have no trouble at all with a simple parking spot.
Anyway, we went to Wal-Mart afterward because she wanted to commit some shenanigans and not just sit down, which was understandable given we both commonly sit at our computers quite often. (Hell, I'm doing it right now). On the way, I didn't speak. In the car I don't talk unless I have a conversation. It's out of a habit, really. I'm conditioned to have headphones plugged into my ears if I'm in the passenger seat (she insisted on driving given my previously mentioned lack of parking prowess). However, she still asked if I was okay. Apparently I had this perturbed look on my face. I admitted that I was a bit nervous about leaving my car in the Starbucks parking lot but other than that I was perfectly fine. I was just quiet. I could understand why she found this odd, normally I can't seem to shut up when I'm around people because I'm either making them laugh or simply dominating the conversation by talking about some problem I'm having or the latest superhero movie or some shit of the sort.
I didn't really talk at Wal-Mart either. I asked her to hang out under the impression that we'd have fun, and here I was being almost completely silent. If you saw me, you'd probably have sworn that I was there against my will. I really wanted to have a good time but I think I realized I was just kind of chasing something that wasn't there anymore. A high school crush, a friendship from when I was more energetic and willing to chase a hyper girl around a store, or just something more than nothing at all. So then there was the looking around at craft supplies, and a quick stop in the toy aisle so she could look for bath crayons and our smelling/her choosing of candles we were on our way. On the way back something came up. Like, it escalated kind of quickly. The topic of social media came around and I mentioned how I used to like Twitter's lack of my relatives seeing my posts until my cousin 'followed' me. Then she mentioned an incident that happened a good couple of years ago in which we were at one of her soccer games and my cousin (different cousin than the one that followed me) called her dad by his first name because he was raised in a country family and they all consider each other friends and don't concern themselves with formalities. She mentioned how her dad still remembers that and dislikes my cousin for it. I told her that her dad could pull the stick out of his ass. Naturally, she took offense to it and fired back with a remark stating my cousin lacked manners. I quieted myself again as she put on some music.
We arrived back at Starbucks and I was about to get out after an awkward hug due to the confined space of the car. I closed the door and unlocked my car and proceeded to open her door and apologize and explain while her parents were always nice to me, I had to defend my cousin because he is, in reality, quite well-mannered. I wasn't about to bring up the fact that her dad needed to let it go as it happened over 2 years ago and that her parents aren't the ABSOLUTE best people. Granted, they've always been super welcoming and warm to me but they've offended other parents (her mother specifically) in our high school marching band organizations to the point of quitting and have had a kind of stuck-uppy attitude in the past about certain topics. Now you know my conflict. However, I absolutely refuse attacks against my cousin's character and manners, especially over an extremely light incident that happened when he was a kid. I know it's only a couple years but anyone who's been among teens knows the vast developmental and character differences between 14 and 16 year-olds.
I guess I'm just not that guy anymore. I can joke around sure but I don't run around Wal-Mart or the mall. I prefer to sit in a coffee shop talking about life, or bowling. Ugh. I guess that heart virus really did turn me into an old man. Maybe it's a side effect of the medicine I'm still on. Hopefully it'll go away when I get the clearance to cease taking them after my next visit to the doctor.
That got me thinking. What kind of guy am I? I've been thinking about this a lot lately. What kind of person do I want to be? I know I want to be a writer, comedian, friend, brother, son but most of those are in relation to other people; which most would argue builds identity given that who we are is often defined by our actions and how others perceive us. The main problem I have is that I still don't quite know who I am in relation to myself. I've never really examined who I am in the sense of me. I've always tried to emulate people or even fictional characters. It's fitting that my 3 comic book character shirts that are simply emblems or replicas of that characters costume are Superman, Spider-Man, and The Joker. All three have qualities that build what I want to be and also have qualities of who I believe I am. I wish to be Superman and help anyone I can and be strong and nearly invulnerable; however I'm plagued by the fact that I'm also afraid of hurting someone every time I try to do something or interact with someone. Spider-Man fits me in that I put on a mask to hide my true insecurities about my identity and play off my fears with humorous quips and one-liners. The Joker is the darkest side of me. The side in which the jokes never stop but may cross the line and be absolutely remorseless in whom I may hurt or offend. People may think I'm insane or that nothing bothers me because I'm too busy laughing, although I'm troubled on the inside. I suppose the same would be true if I had a Deadpool shirt as he's a similar character. The only difference is that he is less villainous and more of a free agent who is prone to having whimsy and money decide where his loyalties lie. These kinds of qualities are why I connect with these characters so deeply. It's not that I want to actually put on a cape and fly around, I just want to be there for those I care about and be able to show my true worth and colors through my actions.
I don't know guys, I guess I've just got some soul searching to do. Now's not a bad time to do it, since I have about five days left of Spring Break if weekends count. Maybe I should just distance myself from social media and stuff for a while. Just kind of fade away for a bit. Granted nobody talks to me anyway. At least nobody that couldn't otherwise text me. I seriously just kind of open Facebook and do other stuff in case someone wants to talk to me, but no one ever does. Everyone has their own stuff I guess. I do have one or two, but as I already said, they could text me. No one ever sends me messages on Tumblr either. Twitter's not that bad. Basically I just need away from social media.
Tomorrow I'll see if the whole 'new me' thing holds any water. I'm hanging out with a different girl at a different coffee shop. This girl, I met just last year and only ever talked to in person at the local music venue open mic nights. Ergo, the only version of me she knows is the current me. Let's not get it wrong, I've always been the same person for the most part, I think I've just inflated some parts of my personality and downplayed others. Mostly in the realms of quietude and thoughtfulness versus obnoxious animation and humor.
Well, dear reader, thanks for perusing this post. Comment if you feel that you must. I'll definitely read it. I'll probably respond too. I generally do. After all, there are usually only about 2 or 3 people that even read these. Thanks again, by the way, you ladies seriously are the best for listening and responding like you do. I think it's high time I added to the number of confidantes. Anyways, I've rambled enough for one night. Thanks and I'll be with you next post.
Nooch.
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