Well i got my ghosts...

It's funny how quickly things happen after you get set in your opinions on a matter. in my last blog i spoke about how i felt all jaded and blah because the holidays didnt feel special. then black friday happened. black friday is essentially early Christmas for retailers nation and world wide but for me it turned out to mean something more. a lady who seemed to be in her 50's or 60's was in layaway and was upset from the day before when she was treated rudely by an employee (my brother and i saw how he treated her and we agreed that he was way out of line, but that's neither here nor there to the meat of this story) she was additionally upset that one of her layaway boxes couldnt be found in its designated location with everything being bought for her grand-daughter (by everything i mean her entire layaway not just the one box) well after looking for a while it dawned on me that maybe the box didnt get tagged. for these non-tagged boxes Josh decided we should write down the contents of the box that way if a box was missing from a person's order then we could find it by what was in it. well i asked what was in the box and sure enough one of the blank boxes was her box.

Now most people would've just been like "oh cool thanks" but this lady was genuinely greatful that i found her box (so greatful that she literally teared up). now in my jokery personality for the rest of the night i claimed to my co-workers and brother and mom that i "saved Christmas" but as i thought i realized that for one little girl and her grandma i did. That put things into perspective for me as i saw what the holidays were all about. so i got my "three ghosts" in the form of a caring grandmother and my common sense thinking to use the system established by josh. (anyone who says josh technically saved christmas go screw yourself this is MY moment)
...i mean...

Merry Christmas Everybody! ^_^

Jaded

Jaded- worn out or wearied due by being overworked or overused

My brother told me that he has seen me becoming increasingly jaded in recent time. Not only at the holidays but in everyday life. Today is (was) Thanksgiving. For all but one of my 17 years of life (this year actually) that i can remember i've always woken up on Thanksgiving day to the smell of turkey and the extremely excited feeling in my stomach that people get around any holiday. But today i didnt. i got up, got a shower got dressed etc. then made a bowl of cereal and watched the Macy's parade. no feeling really at all except for the looming countdown until work. WORK!!!! Today was supposed to be a day of giving thanks for all the good things in life like family and freedom and all i can think about is that huge red K and its little gay looking blue lightbulb. A day that has always made me bright and cheery from all the food and togetherness just seemed more dreary than even other days.

It's not just holidays either. I've honestly felt myself getting more and more distant from things i care about and a lot of things that i used to be very adamant toward just seem dry to me. even the nervousness i used to get from asking out a girl is gone (i suppose that could be a plus but its more of 'she's gonna say no so i may as well get it over with') now am i looking for a pity parade? no. do i feel i have the right to complain? not really. after all it can be guaranteed that there are thousands of people worse of than i that didnt even have food today. but i do however feel like i need to get my thought's down into words. it's thereputic in a way.

anyways back on track. Christmas is coming up. And i already know what your thinking "c'mon Levi its CHRISTMAS!!! buck up partner it's impossible to feel bad on christmas" well honestly i'll have to wait and see. i dont even know what to ask for on christmas other than a day off mostly because A: It'll be my only day off without something band related taking the work shifts place and B: I've been so busy that i have no clue what any store has for sale that i might want (even Kmart how ridiculous is that?) so hopefully playing two "Christmas in the Park" gigs will get me in the spirit who knows? either way i'll be saying two words on the last day of school before Winter Break here in a few weeks.

Merry Christmas
or
Bah Humbug

If it's the latter of the two then bring on the ghosts bitches. something tells me that it'd actually help. in the mean time it's now 12:08 AM and i gotta work 1-10 tomorrow. have fun shopping everyone! i know i definitely wont be doing any shopping or fun so more for the rest of all ya dang yall

strange dream

so this isn't really an important thing just a dream i had that i found to be odd mostly since i actually was able to remember over 90% of it.

Basically i dreamed that i was at a party and everyone was dressed formally the only thing is that all of the people i saw i didnt recognise but in my dream it was like i knew them all. then a guy gave me a note that read in sloppy writing "you're gonna die at lunch tomorrow at 3". i proceded to punch him square in the face three times before running out the door and then all of a sudden i was in my living room holding my poodle Smokey who died 4 years ago. i walked over to my couch and set him down then i woke up.

So what did the dream mean? I have no clue. it may not have meant anything because i probably was just tired from the contest yesterday and my brain was doin something funky. Then again it could be symbolic. right now i'm chalkin it up to the former of the two since, just out of curiosity, i ate lunch around three and i was just fine (obviously or i wouldn't be writing this now). but if i had the dream early this morning it also would be false since i'll be eating lunch at about 11am tomorrow since i have the first lunch period. dreams be crazy

so i took the chance...

Well this past Friday i took the chance like i said i would and asked her. i was kind of nervous but i didnt hesitate. well she replied by saying "i dont date people" . yes that's right she doesnt date people. now i took this to mean that she didnt wanna date anyone at this time but i still didnt get it. i made a joke later when my friends asked me how it went and i claimed that i'm going to make t-shirts that say 'reject me if you want...' on the front and 'but i expect a 5 paragraph essay explaining why.' on the back.

well we went to the contest today ( i mentioned it in my last post) and she texted me claiming that she just said that because she liked somebody else but didnt want to be rude to me. so just to clarify, she LIED to me in an effort to not be rude...yeah... well anyways in the spirit of friendship i told her about the joke and explained my intentions that it wasnt directed at her but was just inspired by her response. (honestly, who hasnt been rejected and didnt know why right?) well she claimed that she found it kind of mean after which i apologized. i suppose we're still friends but the rest of the night she seemed to take a picture with the guy she liked (whom she is now officially dating) or hold his hand, right as i'd look back to talk to the other people who were sitting by them almost as if she were rubbing it in my face. This could quite possibly be just my disappointment getting the better of me though so i'll leave it up to the reader to determine their own opinion. we also were the only band besides the other band from our town to not get a gold. which i found stupid. we were only 1.55 points away from a gold, which ticked me off even further. it was just a terrible last couple of days. oh and i was told that apparently the factor that keeps me from getting a girlfriend is because i'm too nice. funny. i always thought it was because i was 5'2".

taking a chance

Well kids here's another blog. huzzah. (only like 1 person reads this so i dont really know why i bother but hey whatever. its theriputic i suppose) dont really know what to say so i'll just describe my week. so basically it wasn't a bad week. 4 days long due to fall break and its getting crazily cold. then again its mid-october so its expected. ISSMA marching band Regional contest is saturday and our marching band is performing in it. i havent really been too focused on it though. i took the PSAT earlier this week but even that wasn't the crux of my focus. like any 17 year old who likes a girl i'm thinking of ...you guessed it , that girl. i've been trying for the last 5 days to ask her out and i either chickened out or didnt even see her. I should be focused on the contest but for some reason i feel like a failure because i'm usually a fairly confident guy. Tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the day (it bloody well better be or i'm just gonna forget about it and move on).

I have a good chance that she'll say yes but nothing is certain. guess i'll just have to take the chance. after all if we dont take a chance then what chance do we have?

Coconuts and lowered expectations

so today started out normal for a sunday. woke up about 9 (my version of sleeping in between the months of august and may) , had a few donuts (from SquareDonuts of course) and screwed around on the computer. well i had a fairly easy day at work and afterward i bought a coconut. Why buy a coconut you ask? well here's the answer: Why the F*** not? after all, coconuts rule. you put limes in them and shake them up and you can make pina coladas (one for each hand) but vague song references aside i wanted to buy a coconut because it was out of the ordinary and i wanted to try something new. i came up with the idea to buy one after joking around with a work associate about it just being a random thing to do.

Well i got it home and it was awsome. i gazed in its majesty and took a few pics for the 'ol Facebook page then i commenced cracking it open. it was apparently an EZ Crack brand coconut (they're the ones with lines on the sides to make them simple to crack open) well i tried everything. i hit it with a knife, i stabbed it with a knife, and i even tried cutting it with an electric carving knife like the type used at Thanksgiving. well eventually i just took it outside and set in in a bowl and put the bowl on my backyard picnic table. i grabbed a hammer from the shed and smashed it open. i thought, "yes! i've finally achieved my goal! the coconut is mine all mine!!!" i washed off the meat portion and cut that part open and poured the milk into a cup. i tasted the meat and it was well... ... rancid to say the least. IT WAS TERRIBLE. i figured it was just that coconut candy had a lot of other flavorings and maybe the milk would be better. well it wasnt and the taste made me want to throw up. to describe the taste (ugh its starting to come back to me even now) i may as well have drank old mop water.so it turns out i got a bad coconut. the worse part is that i wasn't even surprised given the store i got it from (the one i work at).

well kids there's a lesson from this. coconuts (much like people) seem awsome on the outside but when you take the time to crack them open you'll see that some of them are absolutely disgusting. the sad thing is that if you meet a truly bad person, you can't just swish with some Listerine to get the bad taste out of your mouth like i did with that coconut. you just have to realize that some are bad (but not all.) and just throw that particular one away. just hope for the best next time. ^_^ essentiall i'm saying that people are like coconuts.

Celebrating Life

This past saturday (that is Sept. 12th for future readings) I went to the visitation for a friend (his name was Peter) of mine that i had known since quite possibly the third grade. He was my brother's age and thusly more of a friend to him but i still knew him as his brother (Patrick) is a senior at the school a attend and lead snare drummer in our marching band. It was about noon and it was decided that the marching band kids would go right to the front of the line so that we could be on time to rehearsal for the upcoming contest that same day. By chance i happened to be the only guy in the group at the time and the girls i was with i honestly almost consider to be half-sisters in a way, that's just the type of family bond we have in the band. For the whole time i was there i hadn't so much as shed a tear mostly because i was trying to be Superman for them so that i could somehow console them as they were all crying (which is the natural reaction at a funeral visitation.) My simple solemnity was prevailing until i almost got up to patrick. i was a few people from him and my whole body began to shake from the very energy of what was going on in the room.

My lips began trembling, my hands started to shake, and my eyes welled up with tears. So much for Superman eh? i just hugged patrick and let it all loose. it was HIS brother who passed and he was the one consoling me, essentially. After i made myself let go of him as to not hold up the line (there were still a large amount of people as peter knew a vast amount for he and his whole family are extremely kindhearted people and quite possibly the nicest people i've had the pleasure of meeting in my entire 17 years of life). It was then i came to his father, who sparked the title for this entry. He looked at me and smiled and hugged me. Patrick's father put his hands on my shoulders and looked me right in the eyes. He said, "Levi, you musn't be sad about death, for you must celebrate life. You must go to the contest tonight and play your best and honor the memory of Peter by celebrating life." That's when things clicked for me. It was the proverbial turning point in my life, the epiphony that sparked the lightbulb. For too many times in our lives we view life from a negative aspect. Stress, drama, conflict, sadness, anger, jealousy, and death.

However if we view the bright aspects of life and understand that death is simply another step in the life cycle, then it helps take away the despair and sadness that is most commonly attributed to it. To avoid misinterpretation i'm not saying that death is good by any means and what happened to Peter was a great tragedy, but Peter was someone who was celebrating his life and having fun. It could be seen in all the pictures that were in the visitation room. So if we honor our friends and family who have passed by celebrating life aspects such as: friendship, happiness, fun, relaxation, love, and life itself, then it makes the bad things in life seem absolutely shallow and trivial. I don't remember who said it (heck it might have been in the Bible i'm not sure) but someone stated "do not be sad because they died, rejoice because they lived" (actually that sounds a lot like what Patrick and Peter's father said to me on saturday now that i think of it) and that is exactly what i'm going to do. celebrate life.