NEW BLOG!

hey guys i opened a new blog with posts that will be little bits of my insanity so this one can be for strictly long posts. the url is leafinanenvelope.blogspot.com so go there and be sure to follow it. i'll be uploading it more than this one due to the fact that (as you know) i have more random thoughts of minor hilarity than i do exestential quandries that have me scrutinizing my life (although when i do have one it'll be here) sooo yeah. be sure to follow up on that one. i very well may link to it on facebook if i feel saucy idk .

sorry to disappoint sir...

Today I was talking to a friend in the hallway who asked me, quote, "How's the whole girlfriend situation going?" I asked what he was talking about and he said he meant to ask how i'm doing with my breakup with bethany (which happened about two weeks ago). I told him it happened two weeks ago and that it didn't bother me at all and that I was perfectly fine with everything (i sat with her and a few other friends both times i had to take "A" Lunch this week and we talked perfectly fine as just regular ol' friends and had normal conversations). He almost seemed disappointed like he was expecting me to say that I was miserable, or at least seem frustrated and act miserable. All apologies good sir. I didn't mean to disappoint you or anything. Hahaha. Granted I very well may be reading too much into it but still I just found it funny.^_^ Ok kids have a good one.

Bad joke of the day: Why did the chicken sit on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet! *cue chirping of crickets*

new blog entry you say? why yes i think i will.

Ok so it's been a while world (the two that actually read this and my future self looking back on this) but first tri of senior year is already 25% completed and marching band is 2 months away from being over for good for me. I just read my previous blog after seeing that ms. ferrari commented on it back on the 28th of august cuz i hadn't checked my email in forever (i also got a rejection letter from my job app at Toys R Us, which i didnt even know happened) Basically a lot of good and bad has happened to me since that last entry.

First of all i'd like to call BS on myself for that post because without even having to get into Mortal Kombat with my mom or fighting what i thought was fate, i hung out with friends a lot, went to quite a few good parties, had an awesome one of my own, and had some good memories captured in photos.

I got my first girlfriend which was pretty good for the 2 weeks it actually lasted. Then again I believe that she really did have a lot of stuff going on and if her dating me made things difficult on her then i understand perfectly as i'd rather her be single and happy than with me and miserable because, as a philosopher once said, bitches dont know $#!7. It's already come and gone like a blur and we're both back to where we were previously as though we didn't date at all. Does that bum me out? A little, but not much. It does feel a bit Twilight Zone-ish but i'm not really sad at all. If anything i feel pretty good cuz my friends have been superbly supportive in both being there for me and , for one especially, ranting some common sense into me. Plus all the girls that ever used the excuse of not liking to be the first girlfriend no longer have an excuse (muahahahahaaaa haha XD ) but seriously though it was a good experience and she's an amazing girl.

I was almost a homecoming escort too. ...i think. a young lady by the name of samantha was talking to me and i brought up my breakup and she told me that she thought of asking me to be her escort but figured i couldn't due to band and asked another guy (cuz that's really what i wanna hear when i'm already sad about something :/ i guess it's an honor just to be nominated?...f*** that...yup.) i told her my band director (known as murph) wouldn't mind and that i'd ask him. she told me if he was cool with it then she'd tell the other guy she was going with me. i asked murph about it and he accepted in a heartbeat and was super excited. i told samantha only to have her inform me that the other guy got his tux fitted without her even telling him to do so (she hadn't turned in the paper work confirming who she chose either) so that screwed me over. HOWEVER she asked if i'd like to get dinner with her sometime which i guess made everything ok...idk. she has a boyfriend on the football team so that'd be kinda weird even when not thought of as a date (i guess deep down girls really do love nerds more than football players haha. it's probably because the marching band is actually successful. ;] )

When i told murph this morning about it all falling through he was apalled to say the least. he was like "that's a bunch of crap dude! you got a great opportunity stolen from you by some kid who probably just wanted the prestige of the title and decided to jump the gun to make it so he couldn't back out! that's a bunch of crap!" He was actually more angry than i was. and i know if some of the band people read this (they wont. then again if they did i'd still stay with what i believe cuz a lot of them are full of crap anyway) they'll tell me i'm dumb but honestly that's the reason why murph is my favorite teacher. i guess it's because i've had him as a teacher for the last 4 years now counting this year so i feel comfortable talking to him about this stuff. but he honestly cares a lot about his students and treats us all like family.

in a nutshell. despite frustrations that occur. my life is pretty awesome and it took some good stuff happening to make me realize that i worry and complain about the stupedest stuff. seriously the next time i write a blog complaining about something stupid like not having a social life. for the love of abe lincoln just smack some sense into me (the two that read this i trust will do just that. as they are two of the few i'd allow to literally smack me)

now for just a funny story. I have a friend by the name of Kara that i've liked on and off over the last few years. i tried asking her out my sophomore year by having a friend wingman for me and he and she started going out that same night (pretty messed up i know haha it only lasted a week or so anyway) our friendship was strained for a while but we talked once in a while but nothing major. then junior year i did some facebook thingy with one of those confession-y deals where i told her i wish we could be close friends again and that i should've just asked her out myself no matter how she would've responded. she found this to be quite sweet and we started talking again to the point of hinting at a date (as in a date. singular. not dating like a lot of highschool kids just jump into...like i did...i really need to watch how i talk about highschool relationships now hahaha but i digress) and things were going fairly well.

my birthday party came and i had kind of....sort of ....maybe...planned on asking her out. i was gonna judge how things went and go from there. HOWEVER Bethany (my gf for 2 weeks. now you see where this is goin) showed up (we went out for one day a few weeks earlier but i'd still invited her after our 20 hour relationship ended, cuz it was insignificant to get mad over) and things started to change. at first i still had my sights on kara. but kara started to get a little...lets just say obnoxious and slightly annoying. but was still a sweetie. however when the dancing came i found myself with bethany a lot more. Kara, however, danced with my freshman cousin Nate. i thought it was funny but they seemed to hit it off and i let it go to focus on Bethany because i honestly still had feelings for her and my feelings for kara weren't as strong. well nate got a little happy and lets just say he...copped a feel...which i thought was gonna get him killed but it didnt. (probably because it's improper decorum to kill the cousin of the birthday boy during the party) they exchanged numbers before kara left and he wanted to date her and stuff. i didnt mind because as of that night i started dating bethany for real.

kara ended up not liking nate in the same way. mostly because he started gettin a bit obsessive and making the 'freshman mistakes' like throwin the love word around like a football and stuff and she shut him down. Now fast forward to the north/south game. i was putting away instruments when we got back to school after the game and my brother and other cousin Mark. (who's the same age as nate but in the 8th grade cuz nate started school early. so they're both 14) well kara was there cuz her sister's in band so she was talking to me and i introduced her to mark. well needless to say mark developed a crush on her as well and for that reason had me go with him to see her soccer game and then we hung out at the mall.

later that evening i was hangin with kara and a friend (without mark) and we were talking about relationships and stuff. i told her that i thought my cousins were gonna compete for her in a joking manner and she told me that, no offense, she'd never date them. which made me happy cuz i didn't want two of my 14 year old punk cousins running after a girl whom i still wouldn't mind dating. of course she told me that due to her track record of dating jerks she couldn't date me because i'm "too awesome and nice" so like...i got THAT goin for me. which again, strangely, i dont really mind. is something wrong with me? nope. i think i finally believe my friends when they tell me that relationships aren't all that they're cracked up to be. i saw that yesterday when two really good friends of mine who seemed like a great couple, broke up. so basically i'm not worried about dating or anything. after all when i started goin out with bethany for the legitamate time i had absolutely no plan of asking her out. it just kind of happened.

so i'm happy with my life, and my goofball cousins won't ever get the girl that i've liked and may like to try dating again sometime in the future (...maybe. i'm still thinkin about it) which means that ol Daddy Sweets is still in the game and didn't die when bethany broke up with me XD

Life is friggin raw - Stephen Hawking

Thoughts of a boy who was raised to be a hermit.

I pretty much have no social life. I know, I know another one of those stories again. Sometimes it can't be helped when I've come to a realization that i'm pretty sure I knew all along but never thought about. The reason for my homebody anti-social nature essentially stems from my upbringing. More specifically my mother. It was clear when I was a little kid that I was very social. I loved being around people and making jokes and just having fun. My mom, on the other hand, was very overprotective with me and my brother to the point where she wouldn't really let us spend the night with people who weren't family. Luckily I've had a strong will and managed to squeeze two friends into my life that I've actually hung out with. They've been my best friends for the last 11 years now. Even then my mom was extremely reluctant to let me spend the night at their houses like I was going to walk into their kitchen and get killed by an assassin or be kidnapped by them. (I'm not joking. )

My brother doesn't mind this, as I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't give a crap if he didn't have to even talk to people at times but at others he can be social. However he never hangs out with anyone outside of times when he's at school or work. At home he just stays in his room watching Whose Line is it Anyway on his laptop while i'm sitting here listening to music and going insane from cabin fever. Sure i go for bike rides and go to the park and enjoy the fresh air but i feel so odd when i'm by myself. Either i feel stupid being alone or i'm paranoid that someone's watching me (thanks mom!)

Now my senior year fast approaches and what do I have to show for it? The only pictures with myself in a group of friends that I ever find on Facebook are all school related (either through band or otherwise) and never just hanging out with people. This lack of sociality in my life is really my only regret now that I think of it (besides asking out a few girls that made me feel like a fool when they rejected me, and not asking out a few that I really should've) I just don't want to look back on my life as everyone else says "man those were the best days of my life with all my friends" while i just sigh and say "well i managed to beat Resident Evil 4 and Pokemon Soul Silver"

The saddest thing about all this is that through my originally forced isolation (well i felt it was forced. after all it was indoctrinated to me when i was seven although i did all i could to counter it) i grew up to not mind it. It has now reached the point where I don't care whether or not I go to the extremely rare party that i actually get invited to. I'm making attempts to hang out with people but we've all reached the age where we're busy all the time looking for colleges, working, and other vital activities to start our adult lives. So basically i spent my entire childhood and adolescent years inside the house. What a life eh? "Well it kept you out of trouble" Heh i hear this all the time and think about it too. Like having a little social interaction outside home or school is going to make me a drug addicted, serial killer. Don't insult me with such mindless drivel then applaud my intelligence.

no one's even reading this so why bother? a grand total of two people know about this blog because i dont notify my friends via facebook because my parents, brother, and other family would just give me crap without actually listening to what i have to say. Plus nobody wants to hear me complain about my life anyway. All comedy, that's me. Well here ya go kids. For reading the stupid trivial bull crap of someone who would like to blame others for his way of life when he could've changed it all a long time ago, a bit of humor to balance out your day

Here's a quote i found : I told the doctor that I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

That is all for now everyone. ...Yeah

I don't know...

Junior prom was yesterday. I have to admit I had quite a bit of fun but now I feel like there were some things that I could've done differently or done better. I don't know. I woke up this morning at about 9:30 (5 hours and without an alarm clock which I found to be odd) and I had this nervous feeling in my stomach not quite like nausea but close. I started thinking about last night and some of the things I liked and a few that I got mad at that I found to be purely irrational when I actually mentaly took a step back and thought. My morning started with me punching my pillow trying not to totally go off as I didn't know how else to think about the regrets that I had about the night before and the sadness that I felt that the good time was now over and I was going back to my blase same old crap life. I felt this same way literally one month ago when I got back from Florida. I think it's high time I made some key changes to my life, that's a lot of the problems I have. I make myself out to be this crazy party guy who loves to have a good time but I'm ultimately unsure of myself and even a little shy when the situation presents itself, almost like actual good times catch me off guard. Have I become so used to frustration and tension that I don't know how to react to literal fun?

I was even with some of the best friends that I have but I still felt kind of alone. I'm pretty sure half of my feeling is regret because of some things that I didn't do that I should've done and half is from the usual guilt that I feel when I have fun that occurs for no reason. *sigh* ugh...what's wrong with me?

A Suit Jacket Can Change the World

Suit jackets are powerful things. The most powerful people wear them (afterall it's not a suit without a jacket) and they can have life changing qualities. I was at my grandparents' house yesterday and just for giggles i asked my grandma if my grandpa had a suit jacket (what can i say, even though i voice very anti-prom sentiments it very well may be fun so i just considered it) she told me where to look but she wasnt sure if he had one that'd fit me. I found 3 of them. A black one, a grayish plaid one (dubbed my Senior Year Sanford and Son jacket) and a blue one. I tried the black one on and it literally fit like it was tailored for me. The sleeves, the length of the jacket, even the width and comfortability. Well this got my grandparents all excited and myself as well and long story short i'm going to prom...in 6 days i must now find a date. Impossible? ...probably. but like Kevin Garnet, anything is possible. And i'm on a boat...not really... i am however extreeeemely crafty when i need to be so i'll just have to turn the meter to 11 and hope for the best.

Whatever Happened...

What happened to not doing something for the sheer reason that you didn't want to? It may just be me but it feels like everyone wants some 5 page disertation on why you dont want to do something when you turn it down. Take, for example, junior prom. My friends asked if I was going to go. I said no. When they asked why I told them that I simply didn't want to but they kept asking me why like I was just blowing them off or something. To be honest it kind of ticked me off a bit so I just caved in and said it was because I didn't have a date. Then everyone told me to go stag which to my family would've been a chump move (I know it's not a big deal nowadays but I come from a quite traditional family and they would pretty much expect me to have a date.) Now the fact that I didn't have a date stemmed from my lack of asking anyone but that's a whoooooooole different topic altogether that delves into a deeper segment of my emotional brain portion that I would much rather not enter at this time.

Well I found the perfect "Why" killer. I started telling people that I didn't have a tux or a suit jacket. "HA! Success!" I thought to myself when I first said it. But these things are never that easy and I fear when using that excuse I may have frustrated a few of my friends.

The real fact of the matter is that I just straight up don't really want to go. Now if a girl were to say, I don't know, ask me to go. Then that would be different as I would probably go. However, again delving slightly into the abyss of my constantly raging storm of a mind, I do not see that happening.

So for now children my plans for May 8th (I think it's May 8th) involve something along the lines of either going to my uncle's house to chill with the cousins on the farm, or play DS and watch all 3 Jurassic Park films. ^_^ Whatever the case the moral of the story is, dont be afraid to just not want to do something. No matter what you're friends say, if you have no reason that satisfies them and your true reason is just sheer lack of interest then just tell them. If they dont like your response that's their problem. You shouldn't have to lie to your friends ever much less not over why you don't want to do something. If they are your real friends they'll simply try to persuade you but ultimately accept your reasoning.